Thursday, July 29, 2010

Don't Fear the Reaper

This just in from the Cape Cod Times. The secret of eternal life has finally been found and it's this: don't sit down.
"Men who sat more than six hours a day were 18 percent more likely to die than those who sat three hours a day."
Qualifier anybody?

song: Don't Fear the Reaper • artist: Blue Oyster Cult

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Dear Freecycle and responders to free postings on  Craig's list,
I don't care about your life history, the non-profit company you work for, or your status as a single parent.
All I care about is that you come and pick up the cr*p on my front lawn on the day you say you're going to come.

song: Freebird • artist: Lynard Skynard

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Talk of the Town

When we were getting on the ferry yesterday the ticket collector asked what that thing was around C's neck. I gave my best pitch (really I did!) and told him he could buy some from my cousin at the Farmers' Market on Saturday.

song: Talk of the Town • artist: the Pretenders

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Sit Down! You're Rockin' the Boat

It's a tribute to the universal appeal of the musical Guys and Dolls that the line outside the men's bathroom during intermission at Highfield Theater tonight was equally as long as the one outside the women's.

song: Sit Down! You're Rockin' the Boat • musical: Guys and Dolls

Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm Getting Married in the Morning

Hey, good news in the in box this morning.
QuickMatch Singles can match me with singles in my area.
I hope they don't mind that I'm married.

song: I'm Getting Married in the Morning • musical: My Fair Lady

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

On The Road Again

They shooed us off the beach on Monday when it started to thunder. Ken said that he felt he had a right to go swimming in a lightening storm and I told him he most certainly could, provided his life insurance policy was up to date and he wasn't on a town-owned beach. Lifeguards apparently are charged not only with saving our lives but from saving us from our own stupidity.
So we leave Megansett and head home and the sky is getting darker and darker and I'm remembering how the grill cover is open and how I put the clothes on the line in the morning, which is what caused the rain in case you're wondering (I caused yesterday's brief shower as well), and we get to Old Silver, where a mass beach exodus is taking place and then, just as we're about to pass by, some guy in an orange shirt and Hawaiian pants leaps out in the street to stop traffic so cars can get out of the beach parking lot.
Now I ask you. Why is it that the line of cars in the beach parking lot at Old Silver need some traffic vigilante Jimmy Buffett look-a-like to stop traffic so they can all leave? There was no emergency - unless of course they all had laundry hanging out - everyone was out of the water and the car is one of the safest places to be during a lightening storm. Those of us beaching at Megansett managed to get into our cars and merge into traffic without incident.
There really is no beach etiquette at Old Silver. People going to there seem, as soon as they are in sight of the beach, to forget that they are even driving on a road at all.  Drivers come to complete stops mid-street, not just to let a passenger jump out but to unload coolers, beach chairs, coolers, and a neon-colored assortment of noodles. Pedestrians forget that there is a road in front of the beach as well - meandering out into traffic, starting across and then stopping or walking straight down the middle of the street and then when a car approaches, giving them a shocked looked as if they'd just discovered someone driving a vehicle on a bike path.

song: On the Road Again • artist: Willie Nelson

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Make 'Em Laugh

It occurred to me that Jerry Seinfeld is the 90s equivalent to Felix Ungar so let me amend my cultural references in the last post so they're a little less out of date.
It seems that life is quite often like a sitcom. Which I guess is better than saying life is quite often like a drama, or reality tv.
So I'm having a mammogram done last week and the technician is looking over my chart. She asks me about a biopsy I had done, when I had it and what the results were.
Then she says, "And where did you have the biopsy done?"
And I say, "In the doctor's office."
And she raises her eyebrows to look at me over her glasses and says, "No dear, where on your breast?"
Cue laugh track.

song: Make 'Em Laugh • musical: Singing in the Rain

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

In addition to all the regular laundry that piles up in summer which includes two to three outfits per child per day plus bathing suits and towels, C decided that we need to wash all the items in his underwear basket as well as everything in the pajama bin.
"Some of them have been in here so long they might get moldy," he explained.
I explained back that they are only likely to be moldy if he put them away when they were still wet.
So what? He's Felix Ungar now?
Then, after I do three loads of laundry, I come into work and find myself pining for the days of the good old bar of soap.
The office bathroom contains one bottle of hand lotion, one bottle of hand sanitizer, and two bottles of hand soap.
No doubt this would please my son the neat freak, but it just confuses me.

song: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap • artist: AC/DC

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Baby What A Big Surprise

My favorite part of Ken's birthday party was when all the cupcake candles activated the smoke detector in Alex's barn.

song: Baby What A Big Surprise • artist: Chicago

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone? II

We finally convinced H to use Native American instead of Indian by telling him that's what Little Bear would like best. At the pow wow he went from craft vendor to craft vendor saying loudly, "look Momma! Native American drums! Look Momma! Native American whistles. Look Momma! Native American belts!"
At the sight of this man he yelled, "Look Momma! Native Americans can have babies just like us!"
Then he asked, "are there still any cowboys?"

song: Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? • artist: Paula Cole

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Dear Ken,
It could be worse.
Ringo Starr is turning 70 tomorrow.

song: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover • artist: Paul Simon

He's So Fine

So I put up the tent on the hottest day of the year; then I stayed in it and read them books and swatted three mosquitoes so they wouldn't get bitten. Later I came back  and read my own book until they fell asleep and all they tell me is how great daddy is because he turned up "Somebody Robbed the Glendale Train" "really loud, like to 26, on the CD player in the truck."

song: He's So Fine • artist: The Chiffons

Monday, July 05, 2010

Hard Hat And A Hammer

The mini van came back from nine days in the repair shop last week and in addition to adding a new door, somebody switched one of the radio presets to the country station.
Instead of instantly changing it back I gave it a listen on the way to the supermarket this morning. The top forty countdown was on and they were up to the latest by Alan Jackson, one of the few country singers whose name I recognize because he was a favorite of my Auntie Edna. So I kept listening.
The song was "Hard Hat And A Hammer" and it featured the refrain, "God bless the working man."
Now we could argue that Mr. Jackson is referring to every man who draws a pay check and even some who don't but the lyrics (there's nothing wrong with a hard hat and a hammer) tell us otherwise.
Where's the song that celebrates the white-collar worker? With lyrics like "there's nothing wrong with a degree in marine biology." Or, "God bless the research assistant." There is "Here Comes Science" by They Might Be Giants but that's been relegated to kids music.
Kids who will hopefully grow up to be all that they can be, but in the event that they end up wielding a hammer at least they'll have plenty of country tunes to croon to while they are up on the roof.

song: Hard Hat And A Hammer • artist: Alan Jackson

Thursday, July 01, 2010

I Was Only Dreaming

I dreamt I met the President.
He was shorter than I'd expected (aren't they always?)
He was about to wear a bathrobe to a press conference but I talked him out of it.
He went with a blue sweater instead.

song: I Was Only Dreaming • artist: Bryan Adams