Stay (Just a Little Bit Longer)

How bleak things must be in Afghanistan if visiting the Cape Cod Mall was enough to make three Afghan soldiers want to defect.
The Cape Cod Mall usually makes me want to leave the country. Or at the very least run away screaming.
It's not as if there were at the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone or Las Vegas or something.
I mean at least Robin William's character in "Moscow on the Hudson" was in Bloomingdales.

song: Stay (Just a Little Bit Longer) • artist: Jackson Browne

One Foot in the Gutter

If I had a $1 for every time I whispered "shut the f*ck up," under my breath to my kids I'd be able to put the little f*ckers through college.

song: One Foot in the Gutter • artist: Jonny Two Bags

U Get Me High

Sometimes I pour my leftover wine into the watering can before I water the houseplants.
I figure if I'm going to kill them slow they might as well be inebriated.
Maybe I could procure some medical marijuana for them too.
Although - if a plant were to smoke pot - wouldn't that make it a cannibal? Or at least a cannabisibal?

song: U Get Me High • artist: Tom Petty

Ghost in the Machine

The blender turned itself on last night at 11:15PM. Which, if that's not par for the course for your blender, is quite freaky and more than a little disturbing.
My appliances are possessed.

album: Ghost in the Machine • artist: the Police

Hit The Road Jack

S traded his new musket-ball bracelet that we bought at the Bunker Hill Historical Museum last weekend for Pokémon cards on the bus yesterday.
It's like Jack and the freakin' Beanstalk around our house.

song: Hit the Road Jack • artist: Ray Charles

Black and White

Today one of the boys asked me, "if a white person and a brown person wanted to get married, would that be okay?"
Which kind of stunned me since we've already gone over, pretty thoroughly, with examples, that (at least in our state) boys are free to marry boys if they want and girls can marry girls.
So I guess I figured the okayness of an interracial marriage would just be a given.
But as usual I figured wrong.
Yes, of course that would be okay.
This falls into the category of my observation from a week or two back that, if we could just last long enough as a species, won't we all eventually end up the same color?

song: Black and White • artist: Three Dog Night

What You Need

All three of my elementary school children's back to school lists request one dozen black dry erase markers. The ones at Staples sell for $4 a four pack. That comes out to $12 for a set of 12 markers and $36 for the requisite 36 markers I have been asked to purchase total. 
I bought three packs of four and called it a day.
Let my kids fail elementary school. I can't bring myself to spend $36 on black markers. 
At least not when there's crayons, colored pencils, ear buds, sharpies, three-ring binders and folders in a rainbow assortment of colors still on the list.
Has anyone priced out Post It notes lately? Those suckers are expensive.
And what happened to the pencil sharpeners and cases I bought last year?

song: What You Need • artist: INXS

Happiness is ...

the sound of your jam jars sealing.

Watch Your Step III

Sharp Things
Second Best signage ever seen in Maine.
First is here.

song: Watch Your Step • artist: Elvis Costello

As Far As I Can See

If you drive around inland Maine on some of the smaller highways, especially in the morning, you're likely to get the impression (as I did), that the only inhabitants of this state are all the stedfast New England yankees interred in all the picturesque cemeteries that are so prevalent on these back road.
Dead people and cows. Really independent cows that don't need people (because, remember, the people are all dead.) That's who lives in central Maine.


song: As Far As I Can See • artist: Joanne Cassidy

Makin' Whoopee

wine + whoopie pies = vacation in Maine

song: Makin' Whoopee • artist: Frank Sinatra

Angry Eyes

Yesterday S & N decided they were going into business by giving biking lessons to anyone on our road who'd like six year olds to teach them to ride bikes.

They decided to announce these lessons by making up some advertising posters but they had a falling out when S only made two signs and N thought he should have made three. N then proceeded to  throw a fit and kick and scream for the better part of 20 minutes.

If only there was a six year old on our street who was offering anger management classes.

song: Angry Eyes • artist: Loggins & Messina

Suddenly Last Summer

Yesterday I drove past Old Silver at 9AM and there wasn't a big line of cars in the live parking lane. At 10:00 I was at Megansett and there wasn't even a parking lot attendant on duty.
Summer's definitely over.

song: Suddenly Last Summer • artist: The Motels

Walking in Your Footsteps

Pretty sure I've spent the whole summer drying beach towels and tying shoe laces.
Why oh why won't my kids wear sandals or flip flops in summer like normal children? Why do they insist, on the hottest of days, when we're just driving to the beach where we'll be taking them off anyway, on jamming their feet into knit socks and then lacing up sneakers?
It's hot and a waste of time.
I guess I get it - you can't run around as well in flip flops or sandals (it's a boy thing), it's just that to me slip on shoes were the essence of summer when I was growing up. We didn't wear sandals or flip flops during the school year - just during summer. I remember walking into the skating rink in tights but still wearing flip flops which was ridiculous because the nylon webbing between your big toe and your second toe made it impossible to keep the shoe on but it was summer dammit and if I was going to suffer the indignity of a bathing cap during swimming lessons because I had to jump out of the ocean and go straight to the skating rink then I damn well was wearing my flip flops into the rink, tights and all.

song: Walking in Your Footsteps • the Police

things my kids have been obsessed with (a list poem)

their fists

the mobile above their changing table

the planets 

the Titanic

volcanos

Moby Dick

gorillas

Britan

Rubick's Cube

the American Revolution

WWI

India

Star Wars

Harry Potter

pi

the Greek gods

beary and tigery
cowboys

Down by the Water

I sign up my kids for swim lessons not just because I want them to learn to swim, though I do, but also because swim lessons forces us to go to the beach at least Monday through Friday for six weeks in the summer. Feeling obliged to go to the beach does two things the first of which is to force us to appreciate living here on Cape Cod, which, as I've lived here my whole life, could easily be taken for granted. 
The second is it forces you to really know the beach. Noticing the tide and knowing in advance if it's going to be high or low tide reconnects us, if only slightly, to our ancestors who knew when to get up because it was daylight and when to go to bed because it was dark. And also, because Megan the swim instructor's not afraid to get wet (and because we've paid in advance), we go to the beach not only on perfect, sunny, beach days but also on overcast days and on windy days and even on rainy days.
And in a way this gives the beach more depth. If you only go to the beach on ideal beach days then the beach is just a perfect, superficial, place. Always happy. Always smiling. Always aiming to please.
Adverse weather brings out the beach's complexity; it's brooding moments, it's more thoughtful, mature nature. The beach becomes it's own entity and not just something that's there merely for our own private pleasure. 
We should shun the fair weather friend and at the very least not limit ourselves to only the fair weather beach day.

song: Down by the Water • artist: The Decemberists

Invisible

Can you see this stop sign at the intersection of Spencer Baird Road and Albatross Street?
Right.
Of course not.

song: Invisible • artist: U2

Ice Cream Man

At least on Cape Cod the farmer's tan has been replaced by the UV protection swim-shirt tan.
Today was the last day of swim lessons and it was a first because the tide was low enough so that S & N were finally able to walk out to the "swim area" buoy. Their observation, "it's bigger up close."
It was also a great day because just as we were about to give up and leave the ice cream truck arrived which meant I got to spring for a blueberry Two Ball Screw and a Tear Jerkers Bomb Pop with a gumball in the tip; two novelly ice cream treats that sound (and cost) more like cocktail drinks than popsicles. 

song: Ice Cream Man • artist: Tom Waits

Turn, Turn, Turn

So I'm coming around the corner by West Falmouth Harbor this morning and on the lawn in front of one of the houses I see (because you couldn't miss it), the biggest inflatable pool toy I've ever seen. It's a swan, the size of a Hyundai. A small family could catch a ride by handing onto the swan's neck or set themselves down inside the giant ring which made up the body of the bird.

As I'm looking at this enormous water fowl and thinking what the heck have we all come to that we need to swim with gigantic blow-up swans, I almost hit a guy on a bike who is coming around that blind corner by the water.

And after my heart rate returns to normal it occurs to me that the set up for this accident, wherein an early-morning driver hit a cyclist after being distracted by a giant inflatable cygnet, sounds like the plot to an as-yet-to-be written John Irving book.

"A Prayer for an Ugly Duckling?"

song: Turn, Turn, Turn • artist: the Byrds

West Texas Highway

Why does the car's dashboard panel tell me when the driver doesn't have their seatbelt on? Owing to the fact that I am the driver, I can pretty much figure out for myself if I'm not wearing my seatbelt.
What minivans really need is a dashboard indicator to tell mom when one of their kids (especially in the way back) doesn't have their seatbelt clicked.
Of course on the other hand I do have H, who is quite good at telling me who is misbehaving and who is not.

song: West Texas Highway • artist: Lyle Lovett

Gridlock

I remember the good old days in Falmouth when road work only took place in spring and fall.

song: Gridlock • artist: Warren Zevon

People C'mon

Sometimes I stand on the concrete steps leading down to Old Silver Beach and feel a wee bit like the crying Indian from the 1970s Keep American Beautiful commercial even though I know that was just a farce and that that guy wasn't even a Native American. 
That commercial still makes me sad and that river wasn't half as trashed as Old Silver gets at the end of a good beach day.
You can look across the sand and fool yourself for a few seconds into thinking that all those white specks are seashells instead of water bottles, plastic lids, bottle caps, candy wrappers, plastic shovels, sunglasses, and whatnot.
Come on people. That plastic trash you're leaving behind is going straight into the ocean.

song: People C'mon • artist: Delta Spirit

I Fought the Law

Why is it I always feel sheepish about dumping clam or quahog shells into the ocean?
I always wait until the end of the day or even nighttime before venturing down to the beach for this covert operation. 
It feels like illegal dumping or something shady like that. Like I might get caught.
"Oh! Look at her! Dumping those shells BACK INTO THE OCEAN! Who does she think she is anyway?"
I guess dumping anything into the water just feel like littering. 

song: I Fought the Law • artist: The Clash

Take me to the River

The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #14

You can lead a kid to swim lessons.
But you cannot make him dunk.

song: Take me to the River • artist: Talking Heads

A Matter of Time

It's inevitable that one day soon, in a mom-induced stupor, I will take off my beach cover up forgetting that I only have the top of my bathing suit on.
Luckily that day was not today.

song: A Matter of Time • artist: Los Lobos

Hot Dog

We just watched Joey Chestnut eat 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes.
Because that's what the 4th of July is all about folks, the freedom to gorge yourself on questionable meat products.
Happy Independence Day.

song: Hot Dog • artist: Led Zepplin

And So It Goes

The Sirius Billy Joel channel is gone!

Bummer.

song: And So It Goes • artist: Billy Joel

Once in a Lifetime

Tonight I realized that one of the items on my bucket list is: learning to crochet.

song: Once in a Lifetime • artist: Talking Heads

Ape Man

S got a stuffed animal gorilla at the May Festival last month and it's gone everywhere with us ever since.
I don't mind really, he's a good-looking gorilla as far as stuffed gorillas go, it's just that he's a little on the large side and not easy to slip into a vest pocket or a canvas shoulder bag when he gets handed to me on various outings which inevitably happens.
The gorilla obsession has led us to check out a number of library books about gorillas which have led to us learning quite a lot about gorillas, the most major point being that gorilla's are a lot like us. As if we couldn't have figured that out just by looking at them. For an enormous animal they are relatively passive, they are vegetarians, they take care of their young and live in social groups.
So here comes the heartbreaking part.
They are also - like every big animal - seriously endangered. This always comes as no surprise to adults but as a bit of a shock to kids. It would be so much easier if our children would just form attachments to earth worms or herring gulls or dung beetles, or some other animal that we have on the planet in abundance.
But no - it's always elephants, tigers or gorillas and who can blame them? They are beautiful, impressive animals which are either caught in the crossfire of a remote civil war (such is the case with gorillas), being hunted to extinction, or live in habitats that have shrunken to the size of postage stamps.
S was genuinely sad to find out that gorillas are endangered. His suggestion was that we help out by getting one for a pet.
I reminded him of how much gorillas eat every day and that we'd never be able to afford to feed such a large pet. 
I then suggested that we have a lemonade stand and donate the proceeds to one of the African preserves we read about where gorillas live.
His response: "That's a great idea, Mommy. We can have a lemonade stand and use the money to buy food to feed our pet gorilla."
I love his sentiment - and his ability to think outside the box. But we still can't get a gorilla.

song: Ape Man • artist: The Kinks

Those Sweet Words

Two great quotes from last night's read alouds:
"Sylvester was now as wide awake as a donkey that was a rock could possibly be." 
-Sylvester and the Magic Pebble

"The world is full enough of hurts and mischances without wars to multiply them."
-The Lord of the Ring Trilogy (The Return of the King)


song: Those Sweet Words • artist: Nora Jones

Pick a Little, Talk a Little

Here's a new one.
S. to me: "My brother accidentally picked my nose and now it really hurts."

song: Pick a Little, Talk a Little • musical: The Music Man

Dream Cafe

Do you think that sometimes they don't pick up the garbage just to give us something to talk about besides the weather?

The other night I dreamed that our computer-guru friend John Evans was over the house going over the pros and cons of all these different GPS devices with me.
Good grief. Even my dreams are boring.

song: Dream Cafe • artist: Greg Brown

The Rainbow Connection

Dear Kermit,
There really aren't that many songs about rainbows.

song: Rainbow Connection • artist: Kermit the Frog

He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother

The Tao of my Twins Lesson #17

If I have a new, bigger, backpack, I must load it with stuff until it's completely full.

song: He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother • artist: the Hollies

Rock the Cashbah

What's better than your son passing out geodes (in lieu of cupcakes) to his classmates in honor of his 9th birthday? When the geodes arrive packed in newspaper rather than styrofoam peanuts.
A little love for GeodeGallery.com.

song Rock the Casbah • artist: the Clash

Parenting is...

finding a hand-written sign in your front yard proclaiming "sticks rule" and thinking that that statement is pretty much true. They ain't in the National Toy Museum's Hall of Fame for nothing.

Super Freak

The other night at Dairy Queen, S, N, and I ran into a family that we are friends with. They had just come from a baseball practice.
First they asked where C was.
"Oh, I just dropped him off at the rec center to practice his diablo with a group of jugglers.
Then they asked where H was.
"Oh, he and Ken are at a historical society lecture about the Battle of Bunker Hill."
I didn't even mention that the three of us had just returned from celebrating the Buddha's birthday at the UUF.
And that's when I realized it.
We are a family of freaks.

song: Super Freak • artist: Rick James

to do (a list poem)

to work
to school
to work
to school
to home
to a different school
to home
to bed

Fall on Me

I can't quite figure out the cat's rationale for repetitively circling figure-eight style through my legs when she's hungry and I'm walking down the stairs. 
Why does she think this is a good strategy? 
Has she considered how I will feed her when I'm in the hospital with a broken neck?
See that's the trouble with cats. No foresight.

song: Fall on Me  • artist: R.E.M.

Another is Waiting

What's the protocol for the second sock when its match develops a hole?
It seems like cruel to just toss it out. Kind of akin to those ancient cultures that would doom the deceased king's wives and servant by entombing them along with the king's body.
I already have one matchless sock that I use to protect the digital camera (the sock camera C calls it) and another for the flip video camera. I guess a few more for dusting rags couldn't hurt.

song: Another is Waiting • artist: The Avett Brothers

Shower the People

April showers bring... May showers.

song: Shower the People • artist James Taylor

Love You Inside Out

I ain't no vision, I am the man, who, sings way up high....

song: Love You Inside Out • artist: Bee Gees

Parenting is...

a plastic Playmobil pirate flag spiked into your bar of soap.

The Love Some(bunny)

If it's even possible, I think I like the Easter bunny even less than leprechauns.
I mean how am I supposed to sell this? He's not even human!
Now that H has the whole crucifixion thing down he's thinking that the Easter bunny is actually Jesus.
Yes honey, Jesus came back from the dead in order to hide plastic eggs in our backyard.

song: To Love Somebody • the BeeGees

Losing My Religion

As adults I think we forget how big a deal it is to loose a tooth.
As adults losing stuff, especially stuff off our bodies, is bad. We lose our hair, our waist lines, our eyesight, our hearing - please stop me when you've heard enough.
But for a kid - losing a tooth is huge.
I would say in fact that loosing that first tooth might be the elementary school equivalent of loosing your virginity except that it's more socially acceptable to talk openly about it.
Here's how the conversation might go whether you're ease dropping on seven or seventeen year olds:
"Did you loose yours yet?"
"Yeah. I lost mine."
"I lost mine too."
"Hey guess what? Marcus lost two in one day."
"Two of them? Wow. They must have been really loose."

song: Losing My Religion • artist: R.E.M.

Let 'Em In

As if motivated by the fact that my toddlers are no longer toddlers my cat is now acting like a toddler.
I go into the bathroom and she claws at the door until I let her in.
She enters. Sees that I'm peeing and gives me an, "is that all you're doing look." Then she scratches the door to be let out so I let her out.
She decides maybe I'm no longer peeing but doing something more interesting and starts scratching again.
She is disappointed. I let her out.
Luckily it's a very small bathroom.

song: Let 'Em In • artist: Paul McCartney

The Tao of my Twins

Always stop and smell the roses.
Unless you have to pee.
Then just get in the house.

Parenting is...

never having enough AA batteries in your house or enough napkins in restaurants.

Good Luck Charm

Holy cow, what's the deal with St. Patrick's Day? The school's have boosted this holiday, which has less pull than Columbus Day I mean there's no three day weekend involved, to legendary status. I suspect it's because it's a holiday, despite the word saint in it's title, that doesn't offend anyone. Who can be offended by little green men, pots of gold and a song about unicorns that was written by a jewish guy from Chicago (Shel Silverstein)? Me that's who.

S & N woke up Monday morning and their first words were "Guess what? It's St. Patrick's Day!" I know they said this because they were both sleeping in my bed. Which means I had to spend half the day preparing for a pseudo holiday on top of not getting enough sleep.

They were so excited and all I could think was, "nothing happens on St. Patrick's Day guys, it's not a real holiday. You're not even Irish." 

Okay fine. You wear green to school. But that's it. And even that was totally overdone in the school. I tell you the twin's entire kindergarten class was a sea of green. I couldn't recognize kids whose names I know because they all looked the same. There were green beads and green buttons. S and N almost went into convulsions when H appeared at the breakfast table and he wasn't wearing green. I had a hard time convincing them that this was okay - it's okay not to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. It's optional. The next thing that happened was that they asked me to get "the rest" of the St. Patrick's Day decorations out. There are no St. Patrick's Day decorations! It's not a real holiday! Well there are some shamrocks I cut out and write personal Irish blessings on but that's it.

Then they asked me if I could go to N's favorite store (Michaels) and buy leprechaun hats. So what am I doing at noon after my Monday deadline when I should be getting ready for Wednesday's deadline? I'm at the craft store trying to figure out how to make leprechaun hat out of foam top hats, glitter peel and stick paper, and green ribbon. Then I buy chocolate gold coins, and shamrock shaped chocolate lollypops. 

Thirty dollar later and I'm at home prepping dinner for nine because the one thing I will do to celebrate St. Patrick's Day is to invite friends over and serve nothing but green foods. One year I even made green smoothies.

I arrange the hats and the coins and the lollypops and when my kids get home they scream, "the leprechauns have been here!"

Leprechauns, the Easter Bunny, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, I never get the credit for anything.

Leprechauns. I hate 'em.

Do you know what leprechauns do? I'll tell you. They come into kindergarten classes while the kids are out and they mess stuff up - desks, chairs, etc. Then they use the bathroom and turn the water in the toilet bowl green.

And you know what happens then? Well first my kids think because of the leprechaun and the toilet that it's open season to use bathroom talk but what's worse is they come home and act like leprechauns. "Come and see, the leprechauns were here," they say and then they take me by the hand and excitedly show me rooms that they've messed up - admitting gleefully that "they" are the leprechauns.

As of yet no leprechauns have stepped forward to clean things up.

I'm hoping the house elves will have a word with them.
Yesterday I took three out of my four boys to a pagan celebration of the equinox. 
Because - you see - the first day of spring is a holiday I can get behind.

song: Good Luck Charm • artist: Elvis Presley

Everybody Have Fun Tonight

Yesterday we picked C up after school except that we were early so my other three kids decided they couldn't wait in the car and were going to go play on the playground. "There is no playground, the DPW tore it down," I reminded them.
"Then we'll play on the field," they said.
"It's freezing out," I reminded them.
"We don't care," they said.
"Got a soccer ball?"they asked.
"Only this half deflated one," I said.
"We don't care," they said.
Off they went and tore up the field for 15 minutes in the freezing cold with nothing to entertain them but a mostly deflated soccer ball.
So - if my kids ever complain about being cold, or being bored, or needing new toys - I will remind them of the day they played outside with a dead soccer ball w/o hats or gloves when it was 29°F. Touché.

song: Everybody Have Fun Tonight • artist: Wang Chung

Midnight Ride II

William Dawes.
The name of the Patriot who rode with Paul Revere on April 18, 1775, warning the Minute Men and townspeople about the travel plans of the British Army. He is usually referred to as "the other guy."
Interestingly he and Paul Revere were both caught by the British. William quickly escaped.

song: Midnight Ride • artist: Paul Revere and the Raiders

I Would Die 4 U

Dear Prince,
That seems a little drastic. Maybe you could just use proper grammar for me?

song: I Would Die 4 U • artist: Prince and the Revolution

Happiness is ...

when your kids come in the house and announce they've fallen head first into a puddle of mud instead of a snow bank.
#hashtag Think spring.

Midnight Ride

The twins have brought both their LL Bean LED lanterns to bed with them.
It's one of by land, two if by bunk bed.

song: Midnight Ride • artist: Paul Revere and the Raiders

Dear God

This year's Falmouth Reads Together book is Frankenstein. I was feeling a bit sheepish over having never read it despite it's having been on my bookshelf for as long as I can remember.
So - I dusted it off and started reading.
When I got to the part where the monster (who's much more eloquent than I'd expected) starts listing the books he'd read: Paradise Lost, The Sorrows of Young Werther, and Plutarch's Lives, I realized that not only was I remiss in having never read Frankenstein - I'm not even as well read as Mr. Frankenstein's monster.
Ah well. Less well-read perhaps but I'm not a hideous beast, so I guess I've got that going for me.

song: Dear God • artist: Monsters of Folk

I Never Wear White

Me neither.

song: I Never Wear White • artist: Suzanne Vega

What I Like About You

Today's NaBloPoMo prompt is "tell us five interesting things about yourself." 
Who can resist that?
1. I bellydance because it reminds me of figure skating.
2. I can't go to bed if my closet door is open.
3. I collect old typewriters and floaty pens.
4. I love to eat at diners.
5. My new year's resolution this year (and last) is to pick up at least one piece of litter every day. I probably missed about 10 days in 2013 but I'm 62 for 62 so far in 2014.

song: What I Like About You • artist: The Romantics

There's a Last Time for Everything

Last night I tossed out some steamed squash that had been in my freezer (according to the label) since October of 2007. 
That made it older than two of my four children.

album: There's a Last Time for Everything • artist: Lucy Wainwright Roche

Monday Morning

You think it's been a productive day. You went to work. You volunteered at the elementary school. You picked up the kids and let them unwind on the playground. The laundry is done. The dinner prepped, cooked, eaten, and cleaned up. The pumpkin bread is made. The lunches are made. The library books are collected. The teacher notes for the next day are done. 
But what it really comes down to is this. The most productive part of the day was the 30 seconds when you thought to look behind the blue dresser and found the favorite stuffed tiger that's been missing for five days.
Yes!

song: Monday Morning • artist: Fleetwood Mac

Can't Get it Out of My Head

With all due respect to my sons' preschool teacher, whom I adored, I do rue the day when she so super effectively taught the boys that they needed to sing the alphabet song (twice!) during teeth brushing and hand washing and didn't tell them that the could sing it to themselves - inside their own heads - rather than enlisting their hapless parent in the activity.

song: Can't Get it Out of My Head • ELO

Would I Lie to You?

The twins were super excited that we were going to see the LEGO Movie tonight since their classmate Rose told them it was "the awesomest movie ever."

Of course Rose also told them that maybe there is no Santa and that her mom brings her all her presents - so really, who can believe anything she says?

song: Would I Lie to You? • artist: Eurythmics

Poetry Man

C gave his dad the following poem for Valentine's Day:

Roses are red
You can clip them with shears
We hope you never
Run out of cold beers

He's a poet after my own heart.
I especially like the detail about the beer being "cold."
Nice touch.

On a similar topic, here's what Margaret Atwood really said about snow (and it's got nothing to do with love).

The Eskimo has 52 names for snow. All of them are expletives.

song: Poetry Man • artist: Phoebe Snow

snow covered (an acrostic)

School
Never
Opens
Why?

snow covered (a haiku)

snow blankets the trees
falls like rocks on my car roof
nature's irony

Movin' Out

Today I drove to the shopping plaza in order to go to the sports exchange and order C his soccer uniform except that the sports exchange wasn't at that particular shopping plaza - that one reference by both my husband and I as "the shopping plaza where Amigos restaurant used to be."
So I asked a co-worker who had better information than I, and then called to ask them if I was in danger of being too late to place my order. Thankfully, I have until Saturday so there's still time but before I got off the phone with them I caught myself asked, "so you're in the plaza where White Hen Pantry used to be?"
Where Amigos used to be?
Where White Hen Pantry used to be?
Could I please reference a store that's still in business please and not just one that only exist in my own mind?
On my way home from work I stopped at the coffee shop and read a flyer advertising a showing of Casablanca commemorating the movie's 70th anniversary.
I remember seeing a special showing of Casablanca that commemorating the movie's 50th anniversary at the Wilton Town Hall Theater in New Hampshire this groovy little theater upstairs at the Wilton Town Hall.
So I was feeling uber old but then I googled the theater guess what? Unlike Amigos and White Hen it's still open!

song: Movin' Out • artist: Billy Joel

Hand Jive

Tonight Ken asked the twins why they always fight over who has to sleep on the side of the bed that's against the wall and they said that neither of them wanted to sleep on the inside because they were afraid of the hand that might reach up from under the bed and grab them.
I guess that would freak me out too.

song: Hand Jive • artist: Johnny Otis

married (a haiku)

when it's cold at night
I can always count on you
to be my blanket

Don't Think Twice it's All Right

The recipe for lemon square came from the internet. I suspect the only reason I made them was because there were lemons going to pot in the fridge. I made them once, twice, at least three times before the twins decided they loved them - N so much so that he listed them as his favorite food in the kindergarten "All About Me" project.
But the rub is that the more my kids profess to love them - the harder I find them to make. They stick to the bottom of the pan. The lemon filling doesn't set. The powdered sugar doesn't stick. Yesterday all three of these mishaps befell me. I don't quite know what's going on.
It's like going bowling. You bowl a frame and you're carefree and could careless - and then you notice that things are going pretty well, you're bowling lots of 8s and 9s (which is pretty darn good for some of us) and then suddenly Bam! you bowl a gutter ball and then another and then you're lucky to get a pin or two down. What happened?
You started to care too much about it, that's what. You over thought it. You got too much inside your own head. If you were a Buddhist you might say you got too attached to it.
On the other hand the lemon square were still edible, at least as far as much kids were concerned and as for the bowling, it's not about winning or losing it's about a night out with your kids and looking good in them there bowling shoes.

song: Don't Think Twice it's All Right • artist: Bob Dylan

Send me an Angel

The other day the twins asked me why Santa doesn't bring them birthday presents.
I said that it's because Santa has a really good union and so he only has to work once a year and besides it wouldn't be cost effective to fire up the sleigh just to deliver a handful of birthday gifts nightly. He wouldn't get very good reindeer mileage that way and being green is important to Santa.
Secretly though I was thinking - damn! why doesn't Santa bring birthday presents?
While he's at it why doesn't he organize the birthday party and bake the cupcakes too?
Maybe he could talk the Easter bunny into helping out -  I mean what the heck does that rabbit do the other 364 days a year?

song: Send me an Angel • artist: Real Life

Hell in a Bucket

Sometimes I'm afraid there might be a special place in hell for mommies who throw out their sons' artwork.

song: Hell in a Bucket • The Grateful Dead

High Hopes

There's nothing but irony in the fact that H had to bring home his in-school essay on "What's my Resolution for the New Year,"because it wasn't finished.
What is H's resolution for the new year?
To get his school work done at school rather than having to bring it home for homework.
Not off to an auspicious start.

song: High Hopes • artist: Bruce Springsteen

Handyman Blues

From the end of August up until about two weeks ago our downstairs toilet wasn't working properly. 
Flushing it was like playing Russian toilet roulette. It would work fine and then every 5th or 6th flush it would back up.
I may have toned up my butt climbing the stairs constantly to use the upstairs bathroom.
It didn't affect S & N much because they already won't use the downstairs bathroom because they can always find some lone spider holed up in a corner down there - apparently when you're five, spiders are way scarier than overflowing toilets.
You may wonder why I didn't mention this before and I'll tell you.
It's because commenting on your own parenting inadequacies, or on the wacky things that your kids say or do, is funny in a folksy, self-deprecating way but having a broken toilet, well that's just downright embarrassing.  
Ken valiantly hauled it outside on the back deck not once, but twice.
What's more embarrassing than having a broken toilet? 
Having a broken toilet on your back deck.
He fished foreign objects out of it not once, but twice (tweezers and a metal bracelet).
Who says boys don't wear (and lose) jewelry?

song: Handyman Blues • artist: Billy Bragg

Black Socks

It's hard not to be suspicious when your kid leaves five pairs of socks in the dirty clothes basket but only two pairs of underwear.
Is he changing is socks three times a day or his underwear once a week?

song: Black Socks • artist: Bill Harley

It's Good to be King

I'm not sure I understand the concept of the king cake.
Isn't a dessert with a coin in it really just a choking hazard?
Well whatever. H won it again this year which is apropos of his name.

song: It's Good to be King • artist: Tom Petty

Cold Turkey

Offered: Frozen Turkey

You gotta love Freecycle. I know I do.

This frozen turkey, purchased in 2012 "when they were cheap" was up for grabs because the woman who owns said turkey, "needs the freezer space."
While it's nice to give it away - and I hope that if she didn't have any takers she up and took her "never used" turkey to a food pantry - here's a wild suggestion: cook it!
Turkey - it's not just for Thanksgiving.

song: Cold Turkey • artist: John Lennon

The List

OMG, The prompt for NaBloPoMo is about list making. I love making on-going lists and crossing off items as they get done. My lists go in their own special notebook not on a digital device, I guess so that I can keep referring to it when the power goes out.
I'd like to title this post Zen and the art of list making. 
I started list making in earnest at the beginning of last year when I decided to tackle the age old problem of flitting from one project or chore to another without finishing anything. You know how that works, your pantry cabinets are above the washing machine and so every time you reach for a can or box of pasta you hang up a few items of clothing to dry. Except that that leads you to forget what food item you went back into the laundry room to get in the first place and causes you to make more trips than necessary and the laundry does get hung but it's piecemeal and not very satisfying. 
So I brought this problem up during dokusan, which, when you study Zen Buddhism is your one-on-one meeting time with your sensi (teacher). One of the challenges of Zen Buddhism is to always be in the present, to focus on one thing at a time. Sensi, suggested among other things than whenever I head in the laundry room to fetch a jar of spaghetti sauce and notice clean laundry in need of hanging and get tempted to stray from the task at hand, I bow in acknowledgment to the laundry and then get that jar of spaghetti sauce. So I bowed more than a few times and then I started making these lists as I went along - I didn't need to hang the laundry immediately per say, I just needed to write it down so I'd remember to do it later. Then I could stop thinking about it and go back to thinking about that spaghetti sauce.
I regress now and then and put away clean dishes one at a time as I'm walking by the dishwasher but for the most part the list making helps, and even if it takes me a few days to do even some simple task that I've written down - well that's okay too.

album: The List • artist: Rosanne Cash

Parenting is...

when some wine helps when they whine.

Freeze Frame

To celebrate the new year we joined the Woods Hole toast to the coast parade which features dancers with horns, a jaunty man with a parasol, the spontaneous quoting of Shakespeare (at least I think it was Shakespeare) and other oddities to be found only in Woods Hole.
After toasting the coast we went to Pie in the Sky to try and get our frozen selves a little more toasty only we couldn't because the shop is so tiny that we all ended up at an outside table where once again I lamented that my stainless steel travel mug is so darn insulated that no heat seeps out to warm cold fingers.
After Woods Hole my kids insisted on going back to Old Silver to slip and slide on the ice at the far end of the parking lot, an activity they discovered on New Year's Eve when we went to the beach for the last litter pick up of 2013. They played ice hockey (with ice), ran and slid, and just generally entertained themselves in 28-degree weather for almost an hour.
You think that all your cat needs for entertainment is some wadded up newspaper but all my kids need is a dirty parking lot and some ice.

song: Freeze Frame • artist: J.Giles

Pencil-Thin Moustache

song: Pencil-Thin Moustache • artist: Jimmy Buffet

New Year's Day

That new year's joke about how "I won't see you again until next year!" never gets old does it?
I let the kids all suggest things for dinner Tuesday night which meant we ended up having mac and cheese, pesto, pot stickers, and I threw in some rice pilaf and broccoli for new measure.
There was so much food on the table I didn't have to cook again until the next year!

song: New Year's Day • artist: U2

Got to Have Something

Tonight I told one of the boys that if he couldn't eat his dinner, could he at least artfully arrange it on his plate?
No sense wasting food and sacrificing good design too.

song: Got to Have Something • artist: Mark Knopfler

Little Drummer Boy

I don't get it.
He had no gift to give?
He had a drum.

song: Little Drummer Boy • composer: Katherine Kennicott Davis

Do They Know It's Christmas Time?

You know you've raised proper Unitarian Universalist children when you take them to "trim the church" morning at the fellowship and someone is playing Christmas songs on the piano and when they play "Hark the Herald Angles Sing," one of your kids says, "look! the church know the same songs as Charlie Brown Christmas."
Later, when you're driving to town, one of them comments from the back seat of the car, "why do so many people have Jesus's on their lawns?"

song: Do They Know It's Christmas Time? • artist: Band Aid

Runaway

So what exactly is the moral of the story of the gingerbread man?
That you'll be eaten by a fox if you run away from home?
Sort of a harsh cautionary tale for kindergarteners if you ask me.

song: Runaway • artist: Del Shannon

The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

Oh no! The twins have discovered the Alvin and the Chipmunk's Christmas song!

song: The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) • artist: David Seville & the Chipmunks

High Hopes

I keep wanting to run, Pavlovian-like to the phone, every time they play the Christmas Elves forgetting that we're - yes! Already qualified!

song: High Hopes • artist: Bruce Springsteen

Until the Day is Done

It shouldn't be Thanksgiving until all the Halloween candy's been eaten and it shouldn't be Christmas until all the left over turkey's gone from the freezer.
And since I've still got a chocolate bunny on the top shelf above the sink, this pretty much ensures me immortality.

song: Until the Day is Done • artist: R.E.M.

Photograph

Every time I see your face, it reminds me of the places we used to go.
But all I've got is a photograph, and I realize you're not coming back anymore.

song: Photograph • artist: Ringo Starr

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

I think we can all agree that over weight guys with white beards and nicotine habits should not don Santa hats.
My kid (pointing out the car window): "Mommy. Is that Santa?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe."
My kid: "Doesn't Santa know that smoking is bad for you?"

song: If I Ever Lose My Faith In You • artist: Sting

The Final Countdown

Despite having spent almost $40 on advent calendars I am still being asked the question children have pestered parents with since red-velvet coats and flying reindeer were first conceived: "how many days until Christmas?"
I get it - the idea behind the advent calendar is to let kids know how many days until the big pay off - so they'll stop asking their parents every five minutes.
But the sad truth is that they don't work.
And here's why.
They are made wrong.
Advent calendars count up the days until Christmas beginning with calendar day one, which corresponds with December 1 - unless you buy your yearly calendar at the Christmas Tree Shop. One year I got an extra day at the end of April, another year Easter was labeled wrong. For $2.99 you take your chances.
Anywho - the problem herein is that what does it being day 6 really tell a kid? Are there six days left until Christmas? No they aren's so the modern advent calendar tells us nothing. Who cares that we're six days in? All kids want to know is how many days are left and how five year olds can subtract 6 from 24?
None.
The same number who have the patience to count up all the skillfully camouflaged boxes that are left among their scenes of sugar plums, kittens in santa hats and sleighs flying through moonlit skies (in pictures there's always a full moon on Christmas Eve) to determine for themselves how many days are left based on how many little doors remain. Why go through the trouble when in your parent you have a living Siri doll to ask?
Sure - I could be a renegade parents and just have my kids open door 24 first and then work their way backwards but the calendars aren't set up that way. The big pay off is under door 24 - the tree with presents or the baby Jesus depending on whether you got the secular or the religious calendar.
Some of the calendars even have poems threaded through the doors - written in 4pt type. You can't very well start on December 1 with "and to all a good night," and expect the next 23 days to go well now can you?
So please Mr. Manufacturer of advent calendars - wherever you are - do a parent a favor and really count down the days to Christmas, starting with 24 and ending with 1 so I don't have to keep answering the question. Again. And again. And again.

song: The Final Countdown • artist: Europe

All I Want is You

The only item on my bucket list is winning the WMVY Holiday Stocking.

song: All I Want is You • artist: U2

Fill Me Up

Confession: sometimes I cook dinners that I know my children won't like just so there will be more leftovers for me. Ah delicious leftover pad thai, you're all mine.

song: Fill Me Up • artist: Shawn Colvin

What I Am

Spill over from yesterday's post - otherwise known as "wait, wait, there's more!"
So then there you are juggling six items in your arms as you walk to your car because you refused a bag at the supermarket because you have the reusable shopping bag in the car but you didn't bring it in because you only went in to get one item - the other five were impulse purchases - and you're passed by the lady wheeling a shopping cart that's filled to the brim with groceries packed three or four to a plastic bag. And honestly you think to yourself, "why am I bothering?" And I guess the answer is that I just don't know any other way to be.

song: What I Am • artist: Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians 

Shame on You

On Sunday I took S & N to the coffee shop except that I didn't buy myself a cup of tea because I'd forgotten my travel mug at home. I think I could have asked for a mug instead of a paper cup but when you're traveling with five year old twins you can't always guarantee that you won't have to leave in a hurry.
I wonder if there's a scientific name for green guilt, or how many people suffer from this phenomenon. How many people are denying themselves a cup of tea because they left their stainless steel travel mug at home, or encouraging check out clerks to stuff their purchases into their pocket books and then emptying it all onto the floor of the cars because they forgot their reusable bags?
Or - to take it a step further, how many people are almost unable to shop at department stores because of the almost crippling certainty that the product they need already exists and that they could buy it used rather than new if they just looked a little harder.
Who wouldn't buy a Cub Scout handbook for their eight year old without first trying to find one on Freecycle. Who can scarcely comprehend purchasing new clothes? Who thrifted a $2 electric hand beater, bought a $25 bike off Craig's list, and got a vintage pencil sharpener on Freecycle?
Green guilt is the nagging feeling that you really ought to make everything from scratch because that's the only way to avoid a plastic bag around your bread or BPA in the tin can lining of your stewed tomatoes.
I don't think I've gone completely over the line yet but when you start having a hard time living your life because you're thinking about how your every move might effect the environment, it's not just green guilt, it's paralyzing green guilt. It keeps you from buying something you need. It's the equivalent of the Catholic guilt described recently on This American Life where people were constantly confessing sins that weren't actually sins, or worse, people where unable to live normal lives because they were sure that everything they did or were about to do could be construed as a sin.

song: Shame on You • artist: Indigo Girls

Run-Around

It really doesn't matter what we name the pet mice. Scabbers, Stewart, Al, Martin, Lucky, Phoebe, etc., etc.; they all wind up as Tubby in the end.
Which just goes to show that running incessantly on a squeaky wire wheel doesn't burn as many calories as one would think.

song: Blues Traveler • artist: Run-Around

That Old Black Magic

There's a chicken bone on the rug in S & N's room.
Could it be that my twins are voodoo priests?

song: That Old Black Magic • artist: Johnny Mercer

Parenting is ...

noticing that there's still an electrical plug in the playroom with a child protective cover over it and feeling nostalgic.

Looking Out My Back Door

Raking leaves in our yard is like undertaking an archeological dig.
Today I turned up six tennis balls, two Nerf footballs, and a street hockey stick.

song: Looking Out My Back Door • artist: Creedence Clearwater Revival

Cry, Cry, Cry

The twins asked me to come in to school and eat lunch with them today so I said I would.
Seeing me having lunch with the twins made a little girl in their class miss her own mommy and she started crying.
When it was time to leave S decided he wanted me to stay and he started crying.
I felt like by the time I left I had have the kindergarten class in tears.

song: Cry, Cry, Cry • artist: Johnny Cash

Candy Everybody Wants

The twins had their first dentist appointments last week and in case you are wondering - they LOVE going to the dentist. At least so far. They are even remembering to brush their teeth in the morning before school.
And while we were at the appointment I got to ask the burning question - what DOES a dentist give out at Halloween? The answer: candy. And not even the secret sugar-free-but-still-decent-tasting-so-your-house-doesn't-get-egged candy that only dentists know about. Just plain old candy.
I was more than a little disappointed.

song: Candy Everybody Wants • artist: 10,000 Maniacs