School's Out

Today I added my alma mater to the list of links off this blog. I did this out of guilt because I just recycled their annual appeals letter despite having recently had a pleasant phone conversation with the sophomore who was saddled with the job of calling up deadbeat alumnae and asking them for money.
Surely because of this link Simmons will receive lots of website hits which will make up for the money I did not send them. Here's another plug for my old school: "I went to a single-sex college, and, it wasn't that bad." In fact, in retrospect I wouldn't trade the experience. There are lots of obvious reasons why: small school, small classes, party invites to other colleges every weekend, whole city of Boston at your disposal. But more importantly, if you attend a women's college you won't wake up on Saturday morning to find puke in your hallway and overflowing toilets in the bathroom. You won't wake up to find a naked, drunken stranger wrapped in an American flag in your roommate's bed (ask Ken about it). They serve tea every Friday and you can wear sweats to class without worrying that you might pass that cute guy you had your eye on while crossing the quad. I don't like the sweatpants look myself, having never been one to hang around in my pajamas for extended periods, but whatever floats your boat.
People often confuse Simmons with Smith. When this happens people will then mistake you for someone much smarter.
You might even have a gay roommate, who will turn out to be the best roommate you could hope for, and you can marvel at the fact that she shaves her legs even though she's gay while you, a straight woman, rarely shave yours. When your boyfriend comes to visit he and your gay roommate can collectively ogle the girl in the adjacent dorm building who exercises in her underwear even though she must know everyone can see her through the windows.
On the downside, you'll go around for the rest of your life correcting people who say "all girls school," and reminding them that the proper phrase is "women's college."

song: School's Out • artist: Alice Cooper