The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #20
If you let six-year-old twins take a morning shower together you will get one hour of vacation-week peace in exchange for six wet towels.
song: A Long December • artist: Counting Crows
Showing posts with label The Tao of my Twins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Tao of my Twins. Show all posts
Monday, December 29, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Take me to the River
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #14
You can lead a kid to swim lessons.
But you cannot make him dunk.
song: Take me to the River • artist: Talking Heads
You can lead a kid to swim lessons.
But you cannot make him dunk.
song: Take me to the River • artist: Talking Heads
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother
The Tao of my Twins Lesson #17
If I have a new, bigger, backpack, I must load it with stuff until it's completely full.
song: He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother • artist: the Hollies
If I have a new, bigger, backpack, I must load it with stuff until it's completely full.
song: He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother • artist: the Hollies
Friday, April 04, 2014
The Tao of my Twins
Always stop and smell the roses.
Unless you have to pee.
Then just get in the house.
Unless you have to pee.
Then just get in the house.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
People C'mon
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #15
The Lord may help those who help themselves but if mommy wants to leave the house with her kids - she has to help everybody.
song: People C'mon • artist: Delta Spirit
The Lord may help those who help themselves but if mommy wants to leave the house with her kids - she has to help everybody.
song: People C'mon • artist: Delta Spirit
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Put a Lid On It
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #15
If there were 10 bathrooms in our house, there would be 10 toilet seats left up.
song: Put a Lid On It • artist: Squirrel Nut Zippers
If there were 10 bathrooms in our house, there would be 10 toilet seats left up.
song: Put a Lid On It • artist: Squirrel Nut Zippers
Monday, June 04, 2012
Rumbleseat
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #14
The most desirable car seat in the mini van is always whichever one my brother is already seated in.
song: Rumbleseat • artist: John Mellencamp
The most desirable car seat in the mini van is always whichever one my brother is already seated in.
song: Rumbleseat • artist: John Mellencamp
Monday, April 02, 2012
Pick Yourself Up
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #13
When my snack falls on the floor in public, in view of other parents, Mommy always snatches it up and throws it out - all the while lecturing loudly about germs.
When my snacks fall on the floor out of view of other parents, Mommy always picks it up, dusts it off, mutters something about the five second rule, and hands it back to me.
song: Pick Yourself Up • artist: Frank Sinatra
When my snack falls on the floor in public, in view of other parents, Mommy always snatches it up and throws it out - all the while lecturing loudly about germs.
When my snacks fall on the floor out of view of other parents, Mommy always picks it up, dusts it off, mutters something about the five second rule, and hands it back to me.
song: Pick Yourself Up • artist: Frank Sinatra
Monday, February 06, 2012
Mother
The Tao of My Twins: Lesson #12
You know you're a mom when your son has a runny nose and instead of going to the bathroom for a tissue he reaches into your pocket.
And pulls one out.
song: Mother • artist: John Lennon
You know you're a mom when your son has a runny nose and instead of going to the bathroom for a tissue he reaches into your pocket.
And pulls one out.
song: Mother • artist: John Lennon
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Help
The Tao of My Twins: Lesson #11
What they say: "You help me."
What they mean: "You do it."
song: Help • artist: The Beatles
What they say: "You help me."
What they mean: "You do it."
song: Help • artist: The Beatles
Monday, December 12, 2011
Blues About You Baby
The Tao of My Twins: Lesson #10
He who does not commit the time up front to paying attention to what their kids are doing must accept that they will have to clean up the mess after their children are done.
song: Blues About You Baby • artist: Delbert McClinton
He who does not commit the time up front to paying attention to what their kids are doing must accept that they will have to clean up the mess after their children are done.
song: Blues About You Baby • artist: Delbert McClinton
Friday, October 07, 2011
Always the Last to Know
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #9
He who enters the mini-van last, cannot complain about which seat he gets.
song: Always the Last to Know • artist: Del Amitri
He who enters the mini-van last, cannot complain about which seat he gets.
song: Always the Last to Know • artist: Del Amitri
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Get Ready
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #8
Tis better to go out in one's pajamas, than not to go out at all.
song: Get Ready • artist: The Temptations
Tis better to go out in one's pajamas, than not to go out at all.
song: Get Ready • artist: The Temptations
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Time Stand Still
The Tao of My Twins: Lesson #7
If you suddenly look up and the clock reads 3:45 and you have to be at the bus stop at 3:55 lest your children be taken back to the elementary school leaving you to look like crap mom when you have to drive in and walk down the hall of shame to pick them up at extended day, inevitably as soon as you shove your twins into their boots and coats one of them will inform you that he's got a "dirty deedee."
Crap!
song: Time Stand Still • artist: Rush
If you suddenly look up and the clock reads 3:45 and you have to be at the bus stop at 3:55 lest your children be taken back to the elementary school leaving you to look like crap mom when you have to drive in and walk down the hall of shame to pick them up at extended day, inevitably as soon as you shove your twins into their boots and coats one of them will inform you that he's got a "dirty deedee."
Crap!
song: Time Stand Still • artist: Rush
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Sticky Fingers
The Tao of My Twins: Lesson#6
If I am not supposed to stick my fingers up my nose, how come they fit up there so well?
album: Sticky Fingers • artist: The Rolling Stones
If I am not supposed to stick my fingers up my nose, how come they fit up there so well?
album: Sticky Fingers • artist: The Rolling Stones
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Don't Touch My Hat
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #5
If I manage to score two cute, matching winter hats at the thrift shop my twins will refuse to wear them.
song: Don't Touch My Hat • artist: Lyle Lovett
If I manage to score two cute, matching winter hats at the thrift shop my twins will refuse to wear them.
song: Don't Touch My Hat • artist: Lyle Lovett
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Gimme Gimme Gimme
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson 4
If I have two hands, I must have two crackers.
song: Gimme Gimme Gimme • artist: Abba
If I have two hands, I must have two crackers.
song: Gimme Gimme Gimme • artist: Abba
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wanted Man
The Tao of My Twins: Lesson 3
If it's lying on the floor, I want it.
If he has it, I want it.
If I have it, I want it.
song: Wanted Man • artist; Johnny Cash
If it's lying on the floor, I want it.
If he has it, I want it.
If I have it, I want it.
song: Wanted Man • artist; Johnny Cash
Monday, January 05, 2009
One More Try
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson 2
If it looks good enough to eat - might as well give it a try!
What the heck. If it's not edible that crazy long-haired lady will come and fish it out of your mouth.
song: One More Try • George Michael
If it looks good enough to eat - might as well give it a try!
What the heck. If it's not edible that crazy long-haired lady will come and fish it out of your mouth.
song: One More Try • George Michael
Friday, January 02, 2009
Don't Cry Baby
The Tao of my Twins: Lesson 1
If everything is making you cry, it's time to take a nap.
song: Don't Cry Baby • artist: Etta James
If everything is making you cry, it's time to take a nap.
song: Don't Cry Baby • artist: Etta James
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