Thursday, May 21, 2015

Sunglasses at Night

You know how soldiers who've lost limbs in battle often experience feeling a phantom limb by feeling pain or some sort of sensation in (or I guess where) the missing limb would have been?
Well the same thing happens to me except that it's not the phantom limb syndrome, it's the phantom sunglasses on my head syndrome.
I wonder if I can retire with, or at least claim it as, a disability.
It causes me to put my hand up to my temples repeatedly - like 10 times in an hour.
That's pretty disabling.

song: Sunglasses at Night • artist: Corey Hart

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Somebody Turned on the Light

You know times are tough when you're so busy at work you run into the ladies room and don't have time to turn on the lights (because you know how long it takes to flip a switch - right?).
But then you're in the stall and you realize you may have made an error in judgement because it's raining out and consequently the bathroom's really, really, dark and you realize that life's a crap shoot.
Literally.

song: Somebody Turned on the Light • artist: Arlo Guthrie

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Movin' Out II


So we move to a property that's on six acres of land.
And my kids won't go outside because of all the inch worms.

song: Movin' Out • artist: Billy Joel

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Movin' Out

I ran over the laundry basket with my car.
The first casualty of moving.

song: Moving Out • artist: Billy Joel

Friday, May 08, 2015

Willkommen

Sure I hung up the car on the big rock at the end of my driveway this morning, right in front of my neighbor.
But I was trying to turn up the radio because the show tunes station was playing Willkommen from Cabaret. The Joel Gray version.
You would have done the same thing.

song: Willkommen • musical: Cabaret

Hats off to Larry


When I looked in the closet the other day I realized that my spring wardrobe was my winter wardrobe without socks and leg warmers.
And with a different hat.
I love hats. 
I've loved them since college. I'm not sure why.
Maybe I was an Amish woman in a past life.
Or a Muslim.
Or an Orthodox Jew.
Or Abraham Lincoln.

song: Hats off the Larry • artist: Del Shannon

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Low Budget

The cheapness of a mother is revealed in the number of times she reuses the birthday candles.

song: Low Budget • artist: The Kinks

Friday, May 01, 2015

Z is for Zoo

Having four sons is like living in a zoo.
Although I've never lived in a zoo my guess is that they are noisy and dirty and that there's a lot of mud slinging.
But wait, that's not fair to zoos.
The zoos I've been to are all actually clean and spacious and beautifully landscaped and the animals all get along.
Having four sons is like living in a third-rate, soon to be uncredited, zoo.
Yeah. That's more like it.