Island Girl

What's black and white and red all over?
Why is it that time marches on but generation after generation of children still find the same corny jokes funny?
And speaking of funny, why can't Heinz create a ketchup bottle that doesn't make - you know - that noise.
I suppose there are people out there who would rather have a plastic ketchup bottle than to have to go at it with a butter knife. But those people don't have kids. Nothing ruins a manners-molding family dinner like a farting ketchup bottle.
And now for the bad part gentle reader, or the good part depending on how you view the glass.
I'm leaving tomorrow for a remote island in Maine for a week; an island without wireless.
I didn't know such places still existed. I wonder if they've heard about Michael Jackson yet. For a week, I get to commune with my kids all day long without the midnight respite of Seinfeld reruns and a cathartic blog post.
Thankfully the island has heard about the repeal of prohibition.
So as Uncle Wiggly might say, if the rabbit doesn't hop out into traffic on the busy interstate, and the mommy doesn't rip out all her rapidly graying hair, I'll be back next week with more adventure stories.

song: Island Girl • artist: Elton John

Legs

Even cuter than a two-headed llama.

song: Legs • artist: ZZ Top

Just the Two of Us

Very funny to whomever left this book propped up in front of the double stroller on Monday when C and I were busy scouring the tables for Boxcar Children mysteries at the library book sale.
Funnier still that I bought it.

I like to put the twins into the same the baby swing at the North Falmouth playground. They remind me of Pullme-Pullyu, the two-headed llama from Dr. Doolittle.

song: Just the Two of Us • artist: Bill Withers

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

I retired the lion mobile tonight. The lion mobile has hung above the changing table for each of our kids. It was originally part of the changing table accessory that came with the Pack 'N Play my On The Water coworkers bought me before C was born. We only used that changing table briefly until Ken purchased a wooden table. Since we're still using the Pack 'N Play, the mobile was only retired to the attic. Still, the end is in sight and it's got me a little sad.
Just another first in the endless parade of putting away and getting rid of things as the children outgrow and lose interest in them. Even with being hopelessly busy, it's difficult not to get nostalgic over every little thing. There's always a spare minute for mourning the passage of time. So far the last of my offspring have outgrown bouncy chairs, size one (and two) diapers, those sleepers that are part sleeping bag, baby clothes sizes 0-3mo, 3-6mo, and finally everything 12mo and under, and various rattles, sustainable wood and otherwise.
The lion mobile was something all four of the boys were crazy about looking at, batting, and ultimately grabbing and trying to stuff into their mouths.
As an added bonus, the mobile used to inspire me to sing the weema-weh song. You know, "in the jungle the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight." Or is it the quiet jungle? Or the peaceful jungle? Well, maybe it's all for the best, but the boys loved it at the time.
Michael Jackson might have been the king of pop, lions are the king of the jungle, but Mommy is the king of the changing table.

song: The Lion Sleeps Tonight • artist: The Tokens

I'm So Tired

How come when I come to work and it's warm in the office it makes me sleepy but when I'm trying to fall asleep and it's warm in the bedroom it keeps me awake?

song: I'm So Tired • artist: The Beatles

Mashed Potato Time

A blog comment from Mom-of-three, who doesn't know me very well, suggested I garden with my kids. The comment was posted in response to my entry about blue mashed potatoes. I realize that Mom-of-three was only trying to be helpful but she missed the spirit of the post.
I love that my kid wants to turn mashed potatoes blue. I love just about anything that keeps them from wanting to turn on the television in boredom. Blue mashed potatoes was followed the very next day by floating straight pins.
The phrase "turned the mashed potatoes blue" could be a metaphor for what life with kids is like. I think that's why we have kids, so they'll turn our world upside down, or at least turn our mashed potatoes blue.
Parents at dinner parties should turn to new acquaintances and say things like, "my life used to be predictable and ordinary, but then I had kids and they turned my mashed potatoes blue."

song: Mashed Potato Time • artist: Dee Dee Sharp

Ease on Down the Road

Yet another elderly driver has crashed into the front window of a liquor store. Instead of debating whether or not we should require older drivers to retake their driving test, perhaps we should ponder why seniors are drinking so much.

song: Ease on Down the Road • musical: The Wiz

One Night in Bangkok

WMVY has you covered whatever the circumstances. Today they admonished listeners not to drink and drive, not to drink and boat, and not to drink and go to the beach because you might pass out before applying sunscreen, which would result in a nasty sunburn.
Why stop there?
Don't drink and grill, especially shish kabob, for obvious reasons.
Don't drink and rent a bicycle because you might accidentally go for one of those four-wheel go-cart type things with the big striped canopy and end up embarrassing your family.
Don't drink and try to put away leftovers. You'll never be able to successfully match up the Tupperware with its appropriate covers.
And lastly, don't drink and go to the local coffee shop because they are renting videos now and you might accidentally rent one starring Nicolas Cage. Remember when he used to be quirky instead of buff and ridiculous? The title in question is Bangkok Dangerous. As if Mr. Nicolas is any less ridiculous in Bangkok.

song: One Night in Bangkok • artist: Murray Head

Sunny Afternoon

I have to confess. My children do not have appropriate rain gear.
You know how when it rains you see those adorable children outside in their Wellingtons and yellow rain slickers with the hoods up? They look like oversized rubber duckies inexplicably come to life (there must have been some magic in that old silk umbrella they found...). Those are not my children.
My kids are the ones digging in the mud puddle in their underwear. Or maybe in their bathing suits as they'll use any excuse to put them on.
The other day I suggested that C go out and dig a canal in order to join the puddle on the left side of the driveway with the puddle on the right.
Today H was out there trying to ride his surf board in the resulting giant puddle.
It's not that I'm sick of the weather. Rather, I'm sick of people talking about the weather.
The weather, unlike the piles of filthy laundry, the food-encrusted dishes, the sticky dining room floor, and the eternally burning question of what's for dinner, is out of my hands. I am not responsible for it and I cannot control it and in those regards I rather like it.
The weather is just. It rains on everyone. And yet people whine about the weather and it gets vilified.
The rain spoiled my picnic.
The rain is causing my vegetable garden to rot.
The rain is scaring away the tourists.
The rain is destroying the economy.
The rain sank my battleship.
The rain killed Michael Jackson.

song: Sunny Afternoon • artist: The Kinks

four poems about rain

poem #1 (a quatrain)

It rains on you,
it rains on me.
It rains on us,
indiscriminately.

poem #2 (a quatrain)

It rains and it pours
on ocean and land.
If you can't take more,
raise a wrinkled hand.

poem #3 (a couplet)

Rains pelts against the window sills.
I wonder when we'll all grow gills.

poem #4 (a couplet)

The rain outside
makes tourists hide