Saturday, December 28, 2013

Got to Have Something

Tonight I told one of the boys that if he couldn't eat his dinner, could he at least artfully arrange it on his plate?
No sense wasting food and sacrificing good design too.

song: Got to Have Something • artist: Mark Knopfler

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Little Drummer Boy

I don't get it.
He had no gift to give?
He had a drum.

song: Little Drummer Boy • composer: Katherine Kennicott Davis

Friday, December 20, 2013

Do They Know It's Christmas Time?

You know you've raised proper Unitarian Universalist children when you take them to "trim the church" morning at the fellowship and someone is playing Christmas songs on the piano and when they play "Hark the Herald Angles Sing," one of your kids says, "look! the church know the same songs as Charlie Brown Christmas."
Later, when you're driving to town, one of them comments from the back seat of the car, "why do so many people have Jesus's on their lawns?"

song: Do They Know It's Christmas Time? • artist: Band Aid

Thursday, December 19, 2013


So what exactly is the moral of the story of the gingerbread man?
That you'll be eaten by a fox if you run away from home?
Sort of a harsh cautionary tale for kindergarteners if you ask me.

song: Runaway • artist: Del Shannon

The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

Oh no! The twins have discovered the Alvin and the Chipmunk's Christmas song!

song: The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) • artist: David Seville & the Chipmunks

Friday, December 13, 2013

High Hopes

I keep wanting to run, Pavlovian-like to the phone, every time they play the Christmas Elves forgetting that we're - yes! Already qualified!

song: High Hopes • artist: Bruce Springsteen

Until the Day is Done

It shouldn't be Thanksgiving until all the Halloween candy's been eaten and it shouldn't be Christmas until all the left over turkey's gone from the freezer.
And since I've still got a chocolate bunny on the top shelf above the sink, this pretty much ensures me immortality.

song: Until the Day is Done • artist: R.E.M.

Thursday, December 12, 2013


Every time I see your face, it reminds me of the places we used to go.
But all I've got is a photograph, and I realize you're not coming back anymore.

song: Photograph • artist: Ringo Starr

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

I think we can all agree that over weight guys with white beards and nicotine habits should not don Santa hats.
My kid (pointing out the car window): "Mommy. Is that Santa?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe."
My kid: "Doesn't Santa know that smoking is bad for you?"

song: If I Ever Lose My Faith In You • artist: Sting

Friday, December 06, 2013

The Final Countdown

Despite having spent almost $40 on advent calendars I am still being asked the question children have pestered parents with since red-velvet coats and flying reindeer were first conceived: "how many days until Christmas?"
I get it - the idea behind the advent calendar is to let kids know how many days until the big pay off - so they'll stop asking their parents every five minutes.
But the sad truth is that they don't work.
And here's why.
They are made wrong.
Advent calendars count up the days until Christmas beginning with calendar day one, which corresponds with December 1 - unless you buy your yearly calendar at the Christmas Tree Shop. One year I got an extra day at the end of April, another year Easter was labeled wrong. For $2.99 you take your chances.
Anywho - the problem herein is that what does it being day 6 really tell a kid? Are there six days left until Christmas? No they aren's so the modern advent calendar tells us nothing. Who cares that we're six days in? All kids want to know is how many days are left and how five year olds can subtract 6 from 24?
The same number who have the patience to count up all the skillfully camouflaged boxes that are left among their scenes of sugar plums, kittens in santa hats and sleighs flying through moonlit skies (in pictures there's always a full moon on Christmas Eve) to determine for themselves how many days are left based on how many little doors remain. Why go through the trouble when in your parent you have a living Siri doll to ask?
Sure - I could be a renegade parents and just have my kids open door 24 first and then work their way backwards but the calendars aren't set up that way. The big pay off is under door 24 - the tree with presents or the baby Jesus depending on whether you got the secular or the religious calendar.
Some of the calendars even have poems threaded through the doors - written in 4pt type. You can't very well start on December 1 with "and to all a good night," and expect the next 23 days to go well now can you?
So please Mr. Manufacturer of advent calendars - wherever you are - do a parent a favor and really count down the days to Christmas, starting with 24 and ending with 1 so I don't have to keep answering the question. Again. And again. And again.

song: The Final Countdown • artist: Europe

Monday, December 02, 2013

All I Want is You

The only item on my bucket list is winning the WMVY Holiday Stocking.

song: All I Want is You • artist: U2