Your Profile: A Found [Facebook] Poem

Working on a new segment.
Charlie Sheen
Is thinking.
Glad to be home.
Chocolate Yumaliciousness!
I better have a speed pass into heaven.
They bust their asses.
There are two kinds of sorry.
Charlie Sheen
Here is your Sunday back.
I did it!
Amazing wedding this weekend.
Happy Monday!
All done with the first grade science project.
Driving into work this morning wishing I would win powerball.
Will spring weather ever arrive?
I just hate it when I'm upstairs...but the chocolate is downstairs.
I love my new Kindle.
I think our garbage cans blew away!
Charlie Sheen

Spinning Wheel

Hanging out in a sauna in a Maine blizzard.
Feeling healthy in a sweaty kind of way.

song: Spinning Wheel * artist: Blood, Sweat and Tears

The Sweetest Thing

If I have to institute a candy buy back program with my children after Valentine's Day and assuming other parents have to do the same, why don't we cut out the middleman and have our kids give each other money to begin with?

song: The Sweetest Thing • artist: Juice Newton

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

A modern-day riff on the parable of the lost sheep.
When a three year old has a bowl full of macaroni and one piece of macaroni drops on the floor said three year old will leave all the other macaroni still in the bowl and go in search of the one he has lost. He will search and search until that piece of macaroni is finally found else he will scream for his mother who will search and search until that piece of macaroni is found.
Then the three year old will take the dirty macaroni, again ignoring the bowl full of clean macaroni, and insist on eating it.

song: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For • artist: U2

Fat Babies

I pity the kid who just gave out a Valentine's Day card 'cause nothin' says I love you like a sh*t load of candy.

song: Fat Babies • artist: Lyle Lovett

Mad World

Isn't "pregnant woman" a redundant phrase? I mean I guess it could be a pregnant sheep or cow or alligator - but taken in the context of the article I'm writing, which is about pillows, it's obvious I'm talking about people - people who can get pregnant.
It seems funny that pregnant is an adjective. Just another descriptive word like squishy or smelly.
As you can see we've been playing a lot of Mad Libs at our house.

song: Mad World • artist: Gary Jules

You're A Mean One Mr Grinch

When I have to wrench sippy cups out of the clenched fists of my sleeping twins I feel like the Grinch stuffing the Who's Christmas tree up the chimney and swiping Who Hash from the fridge. Of course I shouldn't let them go to bed with sippy cups in the first place - sippy cups filled with milk no less which I've been told is especially bad for developing teeth.
So I guess that the mere fact that they are in bed with sippy cups that are in need of gentle wrenching makes me, by definition, not a Grinch. Or at the very least an over-indulgent Grinch.

song: You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch • artist: Thurle Ravenscroft

Green Shirt

H has already chosen and laid out the shirt he's wearing over to Sam's house tomorrow.
Guess that's why they call it a play date.

song: Green Shirt • artist: Elvis Costello

Sweetest Thing

The Cat in the Hat ain't got nothin' on me. Last night I stood in the bathroom and simultaneously brushed my teeth, read True Grit, and practiced my shimmy. Multi-tasking is my middle name.
I don't understand why, if we're suppose to be encouraging our children to develop healthy eating habits at an early age, everything comes in bubble gum flavor. There's bubble gum-flavored Children's Tylanol and Bubble-gum flavored children's toothpaste.
Toothpaste? Really? Dentists don't want kids to chew gum (unless of course it's Dentyne) but brushing your teeth with it is okay.
I know it's all just artificial flavoring but what ever happened to grape and cherry?

song: The Sweetest Thing • artist: U2

Sticky Fingers

The Tao of My Twins: Lesson#6

If I am not supposed to stick my fingers up my nose, how come they fit up there so well?

album: Sticky Fingers • artist: The Rolling Stones

The Mountain

Standing on the top of Mt. Wachusett, while more skilled skiers took photos and enjoyed the view, I pondered how on earth I was ever going to get down the mountain without maiming myself and whether it would be more embarrassing for C to look up from his ski lesson and see his mother crawling down from 2,000 feet up or being ferried down by ski patrol.
In the end I made it down - on skis - and marveled again at a child's ability to force a parent out of their comfort zone.

song: The Mountain • artist: Levon Helm

Dream On

How about the movie Inception? A 9 out of 10 on the IMBd (Citizen Kane got an 8.6)? This must be a case of everyone turning in rave reviews because they don't want to admit they didn't understand what the heck was going on. The old emperor has no clothes on response again.
I just love the emperor has no clothes analogy.
The emperor must be one of my twins.

song: Dream On • artist: Aerosmith

Slippery When Wet

You know your life is boring when your husband takes your four kids for the whole day and all you can think of to do is go buy socks. And frankly, you're really excited about having new socks.
Whatdayaknow? Ken's 4-runner has a dashboard indicator light that lets the driver know when they are sliding on ice.
As if I couldn't tell.

album: Slippery When Wet • artist: Bon Jovi