Santa Will Find You

Creepiest holiday song title ever.

song: Santa Will Find You • artist: Mindy Smith

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Woah. Christmas Day is almost over?
Kinda slept in this morning.
I was up late kissing Santa Claus last night.
Damn mistletoe.
Hope no one saw me.

song: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus • artist: Tommie Connor

The Christmas Song

Christmas Songs for 2016
1. I saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
2. I Wanna Adopt an Endangered Hippopotamus for Christmas
3. We Three Democratically-Elected Kings
4. Baby It's Not That Cold Outside (Thanks, Global Warming!)
5. Frosty the Snowperson
6. It's a Gluten-Free Marshmallow World
7. I'm Dreaming of an Ethnically-Diverse Christmas
8. The Nut-Free Cracker
9. You're a Mean One, Mr. Trump
10. Christmas Island: Is Under Water (Thanks, Global Warming!)
11. Oh Sustainably-Harvested Christmas Tree
12. I No Longer Wonder as I Wander (Thanks, GPS!)

song: The Christmas Song • artist: Nat King Cole

Baby It's (Not) Cold Outside

Sixty five degrees on Cape Cod on December 24?
Guess I'll be wearing my sun dress to midnight mass.

song: Baby It's (Not) Cold Outside • Lyricist: Frank Loesser

Christmas Wrapping

Speed wrapping.
Is that an Olympic sport?

song: Christmas Wrapping • artist: The Waitresses

Life in a Northern Town

I just gave $2 to the Salvation Army guy outside Stop and Shop. 

I think he told me he loved me and that I should try not to drink and drive.

Or maybe he was just mumbling to himself.

song: Life in a Northern Town • artist: The Dream Academy

Tradition

Someday my grandchildren will ask my children (probably for an elementary-school project) what were some of the holiday traditions they had when they were kids. Did you play special music or eat special foods?
And my kids will say, "Well, your grandmother used to obsessively call the local radio station trying to register for the giant stocking giveaway. Sometimes she would make us try and call in at the same time on the other cell phone."
#callernumberthreeagaindammit!!@#$#%@@#**%$

song: Tradition • musical: Fiddler on the Roof

Candy

One great thing about having kids is that you can rummage around in the back of your mini van and usually come up with some snacks.
Mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!
Two of them!
Score!

song: Candy • artist: Iggy Pop

Whats So Funny 'Bout Peace Love and Understanding?

N told me that some of his friends have elf on the shelves that "do funny things."
Great. Now there's elf on the shelf peer pressue.
"What kind of funny things?" I asked.
"Like they pull all the toilet paper off the roll. Or they dump the trash on the floor."
"That doesn't sound funny. That sounds bad.
Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!

song; Whats So Funny 'Bout Peace Love and Understanding? • artist: elvis costello

Gonna Fly Now

The domestic version of flying to close to the sun must be vacuuming to close to the socks.

song: Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's theme) • artist: Bill Conti

What You Need

So much of Christmas is about figuring out what your kids need and then making them wait until December 25 to get it.
#newshoesockssweathshirtsandsocceruniforms

song: What You Need • artist: INXS