itchy (a couplet)

poison ivy
always finds me

Hangman Jury

The elementary school bus was late.
I had to bring my husband the sandwich he left at home.
I forgot my computer and had to drive home to get it.
I scalded my mouth on tea from my damn-that-keeps-tea-really-hot travel mug.
There was traffic everywhere because of detours and road construction (see sentence #1).
I ended up not having to go, but maybe I would have been better off at jury duty.

song: Hangman Jury • artist Aerosmith

The Weight

My 14 year old now weighs what I weighed - before I had kids. Proving that kids grow up - but baby weight is forever.

song: The Weight • artist: The Band

Ridin' In My Car

N asked me if he had to have the same birthday party as his twin brother S.
"Do you want me to book the rec. center for two weekends in a row?" I asked.
"No," he said. "I want to have my birthday party in the car."
I suppose I should have said yes.
I could have limited the amount of kids he can invite to the number of seat belts the minivan has.

song: Ridin' In My Car • artist: She and Him

Back of the Bus

People like to spin rain on important occasions as good luck.
So what if it rains on your wedding - the most anticipated day of your life - and the limo splashes mud on the dress you fought off other rabid brides to get a Filene's Basement? It's good luck! No one's ever gotten divorced whose had to cancel their wedding-day oceanside photo shoot right? Right.
And rain at a funeral is considered lucky as well.
Lucky for who?
Seems to me the poor sod getting memorialized could have used that luck a few days earlier.
But rain on the first day of school? No one tries to look on the bright side of that because there is no bright side unless it's to say, "Look. It's raining out. You might as well go to school."
Rain on the first day of school is just the physical manifestation of the rain in a child's heart as he or she climbs on board the bus, having just figured out one week earlier that having nothing scheduled to do and being board are not the same thing. Or maybe it symbolizes the rain in the heart of a teacher who has finally gotten over feeling guilty for relaxing at the beach and not grading papers instead.
Rain on the first day of school washes away the fake smiles and prolongs for at least one more day a child's anxiety over who they'll play with at recess.
Rain on the first day of school is entirely appropriate, especially when the only thing that's great about third grade is that now (finally!) you can sit at the back of the bus.

song: Back of the Bus • artist: Bill Harley

Giving it All Away

N traded his chocolate chip cookies to Joseph for a Matchbox car last week on the bus.
I guess it's flattering to think that your made-from-scratch cookies are good enough to pass for second grade currency, but I still got mad and told him to eat his cookies and not trade them. Then I refused to give him any more for after-school snack which is probably why he told me I wasn't going to come and visit me when I was an old lady.

song: Giving it All Away • artist: Roger Daltrey

You Spin Me Round

We're heading into the busy season here on the Cape so here's a friendly little reminder: the driver who is already in the rotary has the right of way.

song: You Spin Me Round • artist: Dead or Alive

If You Could Read My Mind

I feel quite certain that when I ask my children where something is and they answer "in the back of the car," that's just a euphemism for "lost."
I know this in much the same way that my kids know that when I say "I'll think about it," that's just a euphemism for "no."

song: If You Could Read My Mind • artist: Gordon Lightfoot

Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough

We were only away for four nights and yet it's taken two weeks to unpack.
How does that work?
I like to drink a lot of tea if I have to drive for a long distance.
The caffeine doesn't keep me awake.
But having to go to the bathroom does.

song: Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough • artist: Michael Jackson

Abraham, Martin, and John

For last month's A to Z Challenge I had some fun at Donald Trump's expense. My only concern is that after November's election he might be having fun at the entire country's expense for the next four years.
The thought of a President Trump is even more depressing when it exists parallel to my son S's year-long obsession with President Lincoln.
How many books does the Mullen Hall Elementary School library stock about Abraham Lincoln?
A lot.
How many have we read?
A lot.
Sure, they're kids biographies but I think I get the picture.
Lincoln grew up poor. Not poor as in the last family on the block to get cable - dirt poor. As in dirt floor and there were no other families on the block because there was no block, only the Kentucky, then the Indiana, then the Illinois - frontier.
As a boy Lincoln went to school for a cumulative total of one year.
Before he was born, Abraham Lincoln's grandfather was killed by Native Americans.
His younger brother died as a baby.
His mother died when he was nine-years old, so did his aunt and uncle. His orphaned cousin came to live with him. He was left with his cousin Dennis and sister Sarah for at least six months after his mother's death while his father went back to Kentucky to find a new wife. No cell phones connected Thomas Lincoln to the children - they were essentially left in the cabin to fend for themselves.
His sister (his only other sibling) died in childbirth.
His first girlfriend (before he met Mary Todd) died of typhoid.
His second eldest son died of TB when he was 3 years old.
His third eldest son died of typhoid at age 11 in 1862 during the Civil War.
Despite all this Lincoln was known for his sense of humor.
Lincoln freed the slaves.
Lincoln's intentions were not to punish the Southern states at the end of the war. After Lee's surrender to Grant, less than a week before Lincoln was assassinated, Lincoln requested that a celebratory band play "Dixie," outside the Capitol and is quoted as saying, "it is good to show the rebels that with us they will be free to hear it again."
Lincoln gave his life, literally, to preserve the union.
Over April vacation we drove to Pennsylvania in order specifically to go to Gettysburg. To take S someplace that President Lincoln also went to. Admittedly Lincoln was not perfect person but an incident described on a museum panel in a downtown Gettysburg museum summed up what's so lacking in today's presidential candidates that Lincoln seemed to have in spades. It was in the Wills House where Lincoln stayed the evening before the dedication of the National Cemetery where he would deliver a speech that would come to be known as the Gettysburg Address. The display noted that after Lincoln arrived at the Wills house a large crowd gathered outside in hopes that the President would make an appearance. Eventually Lincoln did come outside the door but rather than give an impromptu speech he declined, telling the crowd that he didn't have anything prepared and would rather not speak off the cuff, “In my position," he said, "It is somewhat important that I should not say any foolish things."
Evidently Abraham Lincoln knew when to speak up. And when to keep quiet.
Take a cue, today's politicians. Take a cue.

song: Abraham, Martin, and John • artist: Dion

I do, I do, I do

A koan for my children on mothers day.
If you finish your cereal and your mom's not home,
do you still have to put your bowl in the sink?

song: I do, I do, I do • artist: Abba

Z is for Zeus

10 People with names that begin with Z who would make better presidents than Donald Trump

1. Zippy the Pinhead
2. Zelda Fitzgerald
3. Zach Braff
4. Zorba the Greek
5. Zsa Zsa Gabor
6. Ziggy Stardust
7. Zac Efron
8. Ziggy Marley
9. Zeppo Marx
10. Zorro

Y is for Yankovick

10 Musicians with first or last names beginning with Y who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.

1. Peter Yarrow
2. Neil Young
3. Jesse Youngblood
4. Weird Al Yankovick
5. Yanni
6. YoYo Ma
7. Yoko Ono
8. Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)
9. Cavin Yarbrough (of Yarbrough & Peoples)
10. Yip Harburg

X is for Sign Your Name With

10 Historical Figures who were (probably) illiterate, who would have made better presidents than  Donald Trump.

1. Sojourner Truth
2. Joan of Arc
3. Genghis Khan
4. Hammurabi
5. Charlemagne
6. Shoeless Joe Jackson
7. Francisco Pizarro
8. Shakespeare's parents
9. Abraham Lincoln's step mother
10. Tamerlane ('Timur the Lame') I'd never heard of this guy either - so sorry if you think it's lame but come on! it's X!

W is for Walt

10 Disney Characters who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.

1. Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
2. Malificient (Sleeping Beauty)
3. Cruella Deville
4. Elsa (w/Anna as VP)
5. The Absent-Minded Professor
6. Pinocchio
7. Dumbo
8. Disgust (Inside Out)
9. Dory (Finding Nemo)
10 Remy (Ratatouille)

V is for Villains

10 Evil Villains who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.

1. Voldemort
2. Sauron
3. Mr. Hyde
4. Sweeney Todd
5. Bill Sikes
6. The White Witch
7. Mordred
8. The Joker
9. The Wicked Witch of the West
10. Captain Hook

U is for Uncle

10 of my relations who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.

1. My uncle Mike because he was a engineer at Raytheon which makes him wicked smart.
2. My cousin Joseph, even though he's Canadian, because he's a great storyteller
3. My nephew Anthony even though he's only 6 months old.
4. My cat Leo.
5. My husband Ken because he always watches our annual town meetings when they are on cable.
6. My son Silas because he's knows so much about President Lincoln.
7. My cousin Lindsey because she'd bring belly dancing to the White House.
8. My cousin Jim because I don't think we've had a motorcycle-riding president yet.
9. My cousin Johnny because he's a lawyer.
10. My great grandmother Hatch because she always read the newspaper.

T is for Texas

10 Texans who would make better presidents than Donald Trump

1. Joan Crawford
2. Walter Cronkite
3. Willie Nelson
4. Carol Burnett
5. Kenny Rogers
6. J.R. Ewing
7. Lyle Lovett
8. Gene Roddenberry
9. Sissy Spacek
10. Pecos Bill

S is for Seinfeld

10 Minor Characters from Seinfeld that would make better presidents than Donald Trump

1. The Soup Nazi
2. Uncle Leo
3. Crazy Joe Davola
4. Mr. Pitt
5. Lloyd Braun
6. The Bubble Boy
7. David Puddy
8. Morty Seinfeld
9. Newman
10. Mr. Peterman

R is for Rock & Roll

10 Deceased Rockers who would have made better presidents than Donald Trump

1. Roy Orbison
2. Buddy Holly
3. Janis Joplin
4. Joe Cocker
5. Jim Morrison
6. Freddie Mercury
7. Donna Summer
8. Bob Marley
9. Michael Jackson
10. David Bowie