She Blinded Me With Science

In all my years at FHS and those that followed, I never attended a science fair, but all that changed on Saturday when C and I brought his raisons-bobbing-in-a-glass-of-soda experiment into the field house (which looks suspiciously unchanged despite years of renovations).
I was hoping to run into a former science teacher or two so they might know that even though I was a hopeless science loser, my son isn't. Alas they must all be doddering about at some retirement community sputtering random science questions like, "can anyone tell me why the atoms in this scrunched up paper don't pass directly through the atoms in that wall?" and never again having to hear the stoner in the back of the class ask, every time a new element is introduced, "can you smoke it?"
At my house we don't drink soda so buying some for our experiment was an experience in and of itself. I realized that you can hardly find 12oz sodas sold individually at convenience stores. Apparently it's more "convenient" to sell 18oz cans. One afternoon I was in line at the North Falmouth Superette with one can of Coke, one can of Pepsi, and one can of Dr. Pepper. The mother and daughter in line in front of me were each buying a bottled water. I felt like the worst bad example. I might as well have been buying three cartons of cigarettes. I tried to save some moral ground by refusing a plastic bag and carrying my sugary booty to the car myself. I resisted the urge to announce to the cashier, "it's for a science experiment."
Surely they've heard that one before.

song: She Blinded Me With Science • artist: Thomas Dolby

In Your Eyes II

You gotta love advertising.
Is this woman seriously wearing a balaclava - and nothing else?

song: In Your Eyes • artist: Peter Gabriel

Get It On (Bang A Gong)

Am I fostering a love of music in C when I let him bang on pots, pans, beer cans and soda bottles and call it improvisational jazz?
Or am I just giving myself a headache?

song: Get It On (Bang A Gong) • artist: T. Rex

It's A Miracle

Today all the socks that were hanging to dry in the laundry room matched up to a mate when I folded them.

song: It's A Miracle • artist: Barry Manilow

Would I Lie To You?

How low can you go? I recently told C there were no copies of the final Harry Potter book in the library in order to stall him while I tried desperately to catch up in my reading (I'm on book 5).
The library really had four copies!

song: Would I Lie To You? • artist: Eurythmics

Crazy for You

"Children! Children!" Mrs. Banks was wringing her hands in despair.
"Be quiet or I shall Go Mad!"
There was silence for a moment as they stared at her with interest.
Would she really? They wondered.
And what would she be like if she did?

-Mary Poppins Comes Back, P.L. Travers

song: Crazy for You • artist: Madonna

You Don't Mess Around With Jim

A Valentine Card:
No doubt Ms. B is a "great" teacher to all the students in physical education class - not just "Jim."

song: You Don't Mess Around With Jim • artist: Jim Croce

Pour Some Sugar On Me

The real reason toddlers have so much energy.

song: Pour Some Sugar On Me • artist: Def Leppard

99 Red Balloons

Balloon animals. No one told me balloon animals came with the job. Tonight I had to make balloon animals. Well - only one animal - a dog - and it broke on the final twist but it was only my first attempt and but maybe it's because I was tired after helping to make all those valentines.
Valentine's I knew were in the job description.

song: 99 Red Balloons • artist: Nena

I've Just Seen A Face

Facebook statuses I haven't gotten around to posting:
Joanne ... thinks this snow day is overrated.
Joanne ... wishes that picking up toys would burn more calories.
Joanne ... needs a house elf.
Joanne ... sewed a button back on her barn jacket.
Joanne ... likes Elaine.
Joanne ... doesn't know how to use the prompt for next week's writing group.
Joanne ... hopes Hadley Fried feels better.
Joanne ... thinks the world doesn't need any new releases from Jimi Hendrix.

song: I've Just Seen A Face • artist: The Beatles

Change in the Weather

Wouldn't you think, that if they were going to cancel school, there might at least be a little snow on the ground to send my children out to play in?

song: Change in the Weather • artist: John Fogerty

Instant Karma

Let me get this straight: Dementors suck away all your happiness, cause depression, leave you in despair, and, if exposed to one long enough, can render you insane?
So Dementors are like my kids.
C and I enjoyed the Harry Potter exhibition at the Museum of Science. I feel like some sort of groupie - what to they call Harry Potter groupies anyway? Potheads?
The exhibition had all sorts of groovy stuff from the movies: the triwizard cup, Hagrid's hut, Voldemort's clothes, mandrakes, giant chess pieces, the sorcerer's stone, and Dumbledore's wand.
The only thing that wasn't so groovy was that the exhibit exited through the inevitable special gift shop, teeming with overpriced "official" Harry Potter merchandise which you can buy cheaper on Amazon.
Thankfully C, sensing that I wasn't going to spend more than $20 on souvenirs, picked out a modest pair of Harry Potter eyeglasses packaged with a replica of Harry's wand.
Back in our day we would have described Harry Potter eyeglasses as John Lennon glasses.

song: Instant Karma • artist: John Lennon

I Missed Again

Some days I can stand one foot away from the trash can with a dirty diaper and miss tossing it in - three times.
Those are bad days.

song: I Missed Again • artist: Phil Collins

Let It Ride

It was perched towards the front of a cloth covered seat on the inbound Red line subway train: the remains of a previous commuter's ham and cheese croissant. One by one the seats on the train filled up until only the sandwich-laden seat remained. As people boarded the crowded train you could see their eyes light up upon noticing the vacant seat. Then their eyes would scan down to the sandwich and cloud over. They would quickly move along.
Everyone seemed to be waiting for someone to move the sandwich. Who would do it? Apparently no one. It was still holding court when we arrived at Park Street. Not even the jarring of the cars going around a sharp corner could jolt the sandwich off the seat.
If the sandwich had been a newspaper no one would have thought twice about moving it, brushing it onto the floor, or even picking it up and reading it themselves. But the sandwich was like a lump of radioactive plutonium, no one was going near it. Everyone saw it but everyone pretended to ignore it.
It was the city version of the elephant in the room.
It was the culinary version of Charlie on the MTA.
It will ride forever 'neath the streets of Boston.
Or at least until the cleaning crew comes through.

song: Let It Ride • artist: Bachman, Turner, Overdrive

Strange Days

Go figure. C's read five out of seven Harry Potter books and yet he had to leave the living room every time the Winter Warlock came on screen during Saturday's airing of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
And if you are wondering why we are watching "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" in late January, more than a month after Christmas, then you don't have preschool-aged children at home.
Yet despite the movie, H told me that I should take down the strings of mini Christmas lights that are hanging in the living room because "it's not Christmas anymore."
I told him they were valentine lights but he said they weren't because I put them up at Christmastime.
So let me get this straight:
Holiday movies in January?
OK.
Holiday lights in January?
not OK.
H also told me last week that it was his stuffed bunny's birthday and consequently I should make bunny some presents. So I carefully made two paper carrots out of orange and green colored paper and wrapped them in an envelope.
Then H told me bunny needed more presents so I wrapped up some ribbon and explained that bunny could wear it around her neck to look nice on her birthday. (It's a girl bunny).
Then I suggested H make bunny a birthday card to which he responded, "stuffed bunnies don't need birthday cards."
So let me get this straight:
Presents for stuffed bunnies?
OK
Birthday cards for stuffed bunnies?
not OK.

song: Strange Days • artist: The Doors

Old (II)

I'd say that you're only as old as you feel but only old people say stuff like that.

song: Old • artist: Paul Simon