Let 'Er Rip

When the babysitter was over last week she played some kind of game with H in which he took up his shield and sword and fought his unarmed stuffed baby chick. The babysitter played the part of the chick.
It seemed like a lopsided confrontation. First off, H is a real alive person with use of his hands and all while the weaponless chick can't do much of anything except emit a strange purring noise when squeezed which I think once sounded like a cheep.
What's up with these creative babysitters, who actually play with their charges? When I was a kid the babysitter left me in front of the tv all night; straight through to the end of Charlie's Angels, after which I would run a jump into bed, just as the headlights to my mother's car came streaming through the front windows of the house.
But anyway, because my children get quality sitters and not just the teenager down the street, I too, had to play this game. At first my chick had a chip clip to use as a weapon but N quickly relieved him of it. Despite the fight having turned into a real David and Goliath affair, I was determined to persevere with the game. If the babysitter could stand it then dammit, so could I.
"My chick doesn't need any weapons," I announced. "He's got a bionic beak."
H was initially impressed with the chicks pumped up state of overconfidence.
"Is he very strong?"
"Oh yes."
I was reminded of the killer rabbit scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and felt for a moment like I might have a chance.
H went for the jugular at the first opportunity.
He's obviously got a future in the meat packing industry.

song: Let 'Er Rip • artist: Dixie Chicks

Escape (the Pina Colada Song)

You know how the teacher in the Magic School Bus series is named Mrs. Frizzle?
Well sometimes, on days when I pull into Coonamessett Farm and ask the parking attendant if I can park up near the farm stand with my five year old and two-year-old-twins (she's in charge of parking for Jamaican Night at 4:30!) and she obliges and then I find that I've forgotten my wallet and have to make a quick exit (in front of said attendant) only to have her yell after me that I've pulled out of the lot with my left rear side door open - then I feel like Mrs. Frazzle - only without the cool outfits.

song: Escape (the Pina Colada Song) • artist: Rupert Holmes

Hey There Delilah

Hey boys and girls, can you say hypocritical? 

song: Hey There Delilah • artist: Plain White T's

Boys of Summer

C woke me up at 7:30 this morning to tell me he was bored.
Not an auspicious start to summer.

song: Boys of Summer • artist: Don Henley

Smoke on the Water

Too bad. I was just getting going with song titles that have the word water in them.
Who wants to drink from the tap now anyway?

song: Smoke on the Water • artist: Deep Purple

Black Water

A curse upon parents (and anyone else) who, after returning to their cars in an area with limited parking - like the North Falmouth Elementary School - sit in them and place cell phone calls or do other needless tasks. Even worse is the guy who leaves his car idling - obviously in order to make me believe - falsely - that he's going to be out soon. Ruining the environment AND giving false parking hopes to a harried mother, two strikes.
When Boston had no tap water - they got free hand outs.
So where's ours?
For the record, I prefer Evian.

song: Black Water • artist: Doobie Brothers

Bridge Over Troubled Water

What's up with those bumper stickers that say "have a Cape Cod Day"?
What does that mean?
Can they be more specific?
This week it could mean sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on Palmer Avenue, paying $20 for beach parking at Old Silver, and have to boil your foul-smelling water.
The bumper stick on my car is a nice direct admonishment. It says "Buy Cape Cod Grown."
I see that some large, timely, June bugs have gotten into the house.
Hope they don't try and drink the water.

song: Bridge Over Troubled Water • artist: Simon and Garfunkel

I'm Gonna Be II

Quote of the day, from H:
"When I grow up, I'm gonna be in kindergarten."

song: I'm Gonna Be • artist: The Proclaimers

Dirty Water II

Ken said that people were hoarding bottled water and paper products at CVS.
You'd think that everyone had an oven in their front yard.
Today the sink joined it. Now the oven won't be lonely.
You know what the pilgrims did about questionable water?
They drank ale.

song: Dirty Water • artist: The Standells

Dirty Water

It was inconvenient to learn that Falmouth residents need to boil their water on the very day that our old stove was removed. The new one will be installed tomorrow.
In the meantime I guess I'd better learn how to use the new microwave.
Thankfully, to take my mind off my bacteria-infested water, our backyard neighbor stopped by to say that his pet chicken was missing.
She's brown and her name is Stupid Chicken, but she doesn't answer to it.

song: Dirty Water • artist: The Standells

Summer Fly

Remember when you were a kid and it was summer and firefly season seemed to last for three months and 30 years later it seems like the fireflies are only out for one night?
Well it was tonight.

song: Summer Fly • artist: Cheryl Wheeler

Somebody's Knockin'

Another first grader joke to watch out for:

Knock knock
Who's there?
I'm a pile-up
I'm a pile-up who?

song: Somebody's Knockin' • artist: Terri Gibbs

Mr. Bad Example II

This morning I made C squeeze his bulbous head into the blue kid's helmet with the lightening bolts down the side.
As it turned out, hardly anyone on the bikepath was wearing a helmet.
But still, I felt like less of a pariah in front of the school crossing guard.

song: Mr. Bad Example • artist: Warren Zevon

Mr. Bad Example

My big-headed son has outgrown all the children's bike helmets given to us by well-meaning friends, and even the one I bought with a discount through our health plan. This means if the two of us want to go riding together he wears my helmet.
Yesterday we rode to school together.
I'm happy to report that there were no other helmetless bikers on the bike path that morning. Only me.
I felt like I was nine months pregnant with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

song: Mr. Bad Example • artist: Warren Zevon

These Eyes

At this weekend's opening of "By Way of These Eyes: The Sublime, Exotic and Familiar" an exhibition of photographs from the collection of Christopher Hyland, I had a grand revelation.
You heard it here first.
It takes a village to promote the arts.
It takes the muse to inspire the artist, the artist to create the art, the collector to purchase the art, the museum to display the art, the media to promote the art, and the public to go see the art.
My other revelation this week was that it's wiser to run your two-year-old twins around the playground before bringing them into the library than after.

song: These Eyes • artist: The Guess Who

Mysterious Ways

The question of the mystery flag is resolved:
Good morning everyone; So good to see the photos of our babies. This flag is the flag of the Acadians. Your Grand-mother Mathilda (Cottreau) Briana was a pure bred Acadian.You can look it up on the computer and you will get the whole story of us Acadians.    
Flossie

song: Mysterious Ways • artist: U2

the request (a tercet)

Mac & Cheese.
Mac & Cheese.
Again for lunch.
If you please.

Big Country

Last year C brought home this flag from his trip to Nova Scotia. I assumed it was the flag of Nova Scotia, but I should have known from the word assume that I would be incorrect. This is not the flag of Nova Scotia nor is it the flag of any other Canadian province.
It's not the flag of Gambia, Estonia, Kosovo, Palau, Brunei, Cameroon, or Lithuania. In fact I couldn't find it in our Smithsonian Handbook of Complete Flags of the World.
Does anyone recognize this flag?

song: Big Country • artist: Big Country

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

As any self-respecting mother who loves her family knows, bell peppers are always topping the list of vegetables you should buy organic. So I set out to buy some. They didn't have any at Amber Waves when I went in to buy my over-priced conditioner, chocolate covered almonds, and peanut butter substitute. At Shaws they had organic peppers but they were packaged in pairs under plastic wrap on a piece of cardboard. I cannot understand this. It's like a two-night minimum stay on the weekends, why must I buy two peppers when I only need one? And why do the organic peppers come with packaging while the pesticide-laced peppers do not?
Organic eggs are the same deal; they're organic but they come in styrofoam packaging instead of cardboard egg cartons. It's the supermarket's way of sticking it to you because you can't have your organic produce and recycle it too.
The non-organic peppers have no extraneous packaging but they are freakishly large. They are atomic mutant peppers.
The organic peppers come from Mexico. We can't grow organic peppers and over package them in our own country?
I paced back and forth between the organic and non-organic peppers. They're not next to each other in the store as you might expect because the organic food isn't allowed to mingle with the non-organic food, it's in their contract.
Time was ticking away and I could hear, somewhere in the distance, the preschool bus heading for my house and I still had to contend with organic verses non-organic celery - another top ten offender.
My family would probably starve if it weren't that Ken does most of the shopping.

song: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band • artist: The Beatles