Surely you noticed the other day that I posed about my son and his earring and I did not name the post for the song Twilight Zone by Golden Earring.
This was no oversight.
For many months now I've been meaning to write a post to go with that particular song.
You see my twins have these outbursts several times a day wherein they bust out screaming for some minor infraction: he said this broom is black, but it's not it's blue! a drop of milk from my bowl of cereal has spilled on my placemat! You answered my question instead of repeating it back to me verbatim! You answered my question wrong! You didn't answer my question at all! You are paying attention to my brother instead of me! He has more macaroni in his bowl than I do! I have too much macaroni in my bowl! I am not hungry for macaroni!
It's especially frustrating when they melt down over situations they could easily solve themselves such as "my fork fell on the floor!" "you closed the bedroom door!" or "there's no lights on in the bathroom!"
So there's this walking on eggshells dance that I do as the main caregiver to twins who act completely high strung around their mother - I hear they are delightful around other people and they certainly don't pull this sh*t in their dad.
And although I know many things to avoid in order to stop a blood curdling outburst before it happens, I am still subjected to multiple freak outs per day wherein my normally delightful children turn into screaming mimis in a nanosecond.
These scenarios remind me of the Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life" in which there's a small town being held prisoner by a monster who is able to unleash untold misery on the townspeople for seemingly innocuous infractions such as firing up a record player, dancing, or thinking bad thoughts.
After Rod Serling is done with his prologue he introduces us to the monster who turns out to be a five-year-old boy. A five year old Billy Mumy to be specific - remember him? From Lost in Space? Of course you do.
Anyway. Back to my story.
Make no mistake - the boy is not a proverbial monster as in:
"Hi Honey, how were the kids today?"
"They were monsters, where's my glass of wine?"
No no, he's a real monster who turns towns folks who piss him off into scarecrows or jack in the boxes with the least little provocation. Needless to say the townsfolk proceed more than a little cautiously around this young feller.
They should have considered themselves lucky he wasn't a twin.