F is for Fights

If you have four sons, there will be fighting.
Some days you will attempt to teach the fine art of compromise in order to aid them in resolving their conflict peacefully but other times you won't have the energy to mediate and will instead opt to let them "fight it out." Builds character right?
You're likelihood of choosing the fight it out method will be in direct proportion to the nearness of your neighbor's house and whether or not you suspect the neighbors can hear your kids screaming.
Proximity to other people will also dictate your reaction to the five second rule which also, you'll notice, starts with the letter F.
The five second rule is a completely made up arbitrator to help a parent decide whether or not food that's fallen on the floor is still acceptable for their offspring to eat (note that food, fallen and floor all start with the letter F).
Let's be honest folks, the five second rule is a crock of sh*t. Food that falls on the floor is dirty. Period. But it's not this knowledge that dictates whether or not you let your kids eat said fallen food, rather it's the reality of whether or not you're within ear shot of your neighbors or, more importantly, other parents.
If another adult's within ear shot it's more likely you'll announce loudly, "Oh, that fell on the floor? Well you'd better not eat it. The floor's dirty and we know all about germs, right kids?"
On the other hand, if no one's looking, your kid's in the clear.
Heck, I'd eat an entire meal off the ground if it meant I didn't have to cook something myself.