Monday, June 22, 2009

It's Your Thing

Human beings aren't born with any innate abilities. A few interesting reflexes perhaps but we can't build a nest like a bird or migrate to Mexico inn the fall like a monarch butterfly. We can't swim upstream to mate in the same pool where we were spawned like salmon do - heaven knows as a species we have a lousy collective sense of direction.
There is one thing however that males of our species are innately in tune with - obsessed with, if you will. You know what it is - you know. It's what makes teenagers hide copies of Playboy under their mattresses or google "big jugs." It's what makes politicians hire overpriced prostitutes and what makes little boys walk around with their hands down their pants. And if you happen to have twin boys not only to they have their own appendage to hold onto, they can also make a grab for their brother's goods.
Penis grabbing prevention must have been the impetus for the invention of clothing. Without clothes early man would have walked about with one hand on his club and the other on this "little club," thereby leaving no hand free with which to drag women around by the hair. Without a free hand for hair dragging he would have been unable to convince early woman to accompany him back to his cave, ply her with woolly mammoth burgers (which she would have to cook) and ultimately conceive cave babies.

song: It's Your Thing • Artist: Isley Brothers

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