Kandi

The internet is rife with articles listing creative ways to rid oneself of excess Halloween candy. What a bizarre holiday Halloween is. We dress up our children and send them out to beg for food that we don't want them to have. Why not send them out to score stuff we need? I could use some chili powder. And I'm almost out of barley. Oh and Post-It Notes, I could definitely use some Post-It Notes. But alas no - it's candy and likely to remain candy for at least the foreseeable future. As we now have enough candy to choke a moose (assuming you could get the moose to eat it), I've been reading the ideas and giving them some serious thought.
Some of the suggestions, such as freezing the candy and adding it to milk shakes, are clever. Some, like keeping a stash in your purse to bribe your children with, are not. If I tried to keep candy in my purse I'd just end up with melted misshapen candy bars at the bottom of my bag - not too tempting as bribe material.
Exploding candy in the microwave sounded fun but it had to be marshmallow-based candy and I don't know about you but my kids didn't get a lot of Halloween peeps.
Last year I bought some of C's candy back from him. I didn't see this idea on the list though there was a suggestion of having your children leave their bag of candy on the doorstep before bed where the "Halloween Angel" will find it and exchange it for a gift. Interesting concept but it doesn't answer the question of what to do with excess candy - it merely answers the question of how to get the candy away from your kids - unless of course the Halloween Angel is real...
Then there were some cool science experiment suggestions, exploding Mentos and glow in the dark wintergreen lifesavers for example, but like the marshmallow peeps the suggestions were too candy specific - who gets lifesavers and Mentos in their Halloween loot?
So I've come up with my own list of suggestions. What the heck. I have candy. I'm qualified. Feel free to forward the list to your less-creative friends, relations, and enemies.
1. String it up and use it for garland on your Christmas tree 'cause nothing says Merry Christmas like a tree trimmed in Twix bars. (Mmmmmm. Twix bars)
2. Box it up and send it to that annoying former classmate who just bragged on Facebook that she still fits into her prom dress.
3. Bring it to Staples and see if you can barter it for school supplies for your kid's classroom.
4. Lay it all in the driveway and run it over with the mini van. Your kids will think this is really cool.
5. Feed the M&Ms to your boyfriend's pet beagle.
6. Eat all the candy yourself and tell the kids the house was robbed. This is also a good way to get rid of any toys that you despise as well as the ripped Bermuda jacked your husband can't seem to part with.
7. Tell the kids the tin peddler came to town, just like in Farmer Boy and you traded their candy for three new dippers, a skimmer, and a strainer.
8. Create a found art sculpture with it and explain to the critics that it's a social commentary on the personal excess that defines our country.
9. Throw it in the front yard of any house that hasn't yet taken down all its political campaign signs.
10. Stick it under your mattress and feed it to the bed bugs.

song: Kandi • artist: One Eskimo