Two Ladies

We watched Mary Poppins tonight.
When it was over, C didn't miss a beat.
"How do you die laughing?" he asked.
He switched to the Mary Poppins soundtrack for his going-to-bed music from his previous pick, the soundtrack to Cabaret, which he chose because my mother and I saw the Falmouth Theatre Guild's performance last weekend.
I was happy about that because I'd rather answer questions about how one dies laughing than about the meaning of the song "Two Ladies."

song: Two Ladies • soundtrack: Cabaret

Fly Me To The Moon

Was anyone out driving after dark on Friday? It was like Night of 1,000 Moths out there. It reminded me of the great Christmas tree moth debacle of 2007.
They must have been attracted to all that left over turkey.

song: Fly Me To The Moon • song: Frank Sinatra

The Cat and the Hat

This mess is so big and so deep and so tall, we cannot clean it up. There is no way at all.

book: The Cat and the Hat • author: Dr. Seuss

thanksgiving eve (a quatrain)

On the day before thanksgiving
I have some serious misgivings
I must have been mentally unstable
to ask 13 people to our table

Get Back

On Saturday's news it was reported that the day's temperature (low 30s, high 20s) was more like day in January than a day in November. November, January, what's the difference I say.
Everyone feels cheated when the weather is colder than normal but we're all perfectly content to get away with it when temperatures are above average. A 55-degree day in November is Indian Summer; a 25-degree day is an affront.
It's like the check out line at the supermarket. We're outraged to discern that we've been short changed, but who returns the surplus when their change includes an extra $1?
Rest assured, it will all equal out in the end. For every 60-degree day in November we'll have to pay with a 40-degree day in May.
Back when I worked at the supermarket there was a night when my drawer was $100 short. The front-end manager stood up for me and assured the store manager that I didn't steal it thereby sparing me of a suspension or pay dock or some such consequence. The two of them concluded that I must have had money bundled for pick up and somebody stole a bundle when I wasn't looking. Strangely enough, over the course of the next month, my drawer was $20 over at the end of every week until I had made back the $100.
I don't know how it happened, it wasn't a conscious effort on my part to pilfer money from customers. No one ever complained that I'd stiffed them though I must have short changed a large number of people.
It was a freak accident. Like a snowstorm in July.

song: Get Back • artist: The Beatles

Look Away

In case you missed it, the lesson to be learned from Friday's Enterprise is that it's okay to drive around naked - just don't get lost and need to stop for directions.
If there's ever been a driver in need of GPS, it was that guy!

song: Look Away • artist: Chicago

Somewhere Down the Line

I see that my high school friend's ex-girlfriend got married. A woman who, as I recall, planned to "never get married." I guess what she meant to say is, "I'll never get married to you."
Sometimes I don't know why we bother saying anything at all. We're all bound to contradict ourselves somewhere down the line.
H on the other hand tells it like it is. He is literal; very literal. Last night we were reading I love you Little One, one of those reassuring little feel-good board books where the baby animals all ask, "do you love me Mama?" and the Mamas all answer that of course they do. We're about three baby animals in and H stops me and says, "Animals don't talk."
Earlier in the week we had out Woodland Creatures, a set of wooden animals that includes some landscape objects like trees and a pond. H holds up a grayish piece and asks me what it is. "It's a tree," says C, "no wait, it's a rock." I take the child psychology route and turn the question around, "What do you think it is?" I ask H. "I think it's wood," he says flatly and without a hint of irony.
One last example. C has this annoying bear (given to him by his grandparents) that uses word recognition to play a variety of games where it asks questions and then congratulates you if you answer correctly. So H turns it on and the game is "What Am I?" wherein the bear says the following phrase, "What Am I? Am I a dog, or a fire truck?" The bear then makes a noise like either a dog or a fire truck and the child is prompted to answer.
From the living room I can hear the bear saying, "What Am I?" and H answering, "YOU'RE A BEAR!"

song: Somewhere Down the Line • artist: Billy Joel.

where are you going baby? (a couplet)

beneath the TV
is no place to be

late fall haiku

mixing the colors
until everything turns brown -
like child artists do

Don't Touch My Hat

This is what happens when you mistakenly leave your hat at our house.

song: Don't Touch My Hat • artist: Lyle Lovett

Sixteen Tons

I have a 16-pound turkey in my refrigerator but nothing for dinner!
Damn!

song: Sixteen Tons • artist: Tennessee Ernie Ford

Suzie Q

Today was H's first day at the elementary school's preschool. He marched right in like a little trooper.
A little trooper with his stuffed dog named Silo under his arm that is.
He came home with his very own library book: Busy Beavers. The beavers are even busier after they have babies, and, as it turns out, it's really fun to say "baby beavers." Try it ten times fast - you'll see.
Morning preschool left me some extra time for Thanksgiving dinner shopping. Here's my unabashed plug for Bongi's Turkey Roost in Duxbury. This is the third year in a row I've gone there for our turkey. I could have waited until Sunday when the fresh birds go on sale but I settled for the shorter line and the frozen bird. The cashier, however, remarked that even frozen my turkey was so fresh it was likely "she was walking around last week." Then she gave the bird an affectionate pat and called her Suzie.

song: Suzie Q • artist: Creedence Clearwater Revival

Take Good Care Of My Baby

Yes, I watch CSI Miami (sorry Sue!). Anyone see tonight's show? Don't you think Horatio showed poor judgement in not waiting until the couple paid for the baby before swooping in to take it? Instead he initiated a high-speed chase between himself and the kidnapper with the baby in the back of the SUV.
I think Horatio is slipping. You know what he needs? He needs a long walk on the beach.

song: Take Good Care Of My Baby • artist: Bobby Vee

Christmas Wishes

The paper's been collecting "wishes for the new year" from area school children for publication in the holiday gift guide. I'm not done typing them up yet but early polls indicate that the number one wish of elementary school children on the Upper Cape is that people would stop littering. It's akin to dating services where everyone professes to loving long walks on the beach. I'm pretty sure even singles in Kansas love long walks on the beach. Even when it's not their first wish the kids will include littering as an afterthought - world peace and that people would stop littering. End of the Iraq war and that people would stop littering. A plasma tv for my room, my own cell phone, an iPod, and, for people to stop littering.
Come to think of it that's my wish for the new year too.
Excuse me while I go take a long walk on the beach now...

song: Christmas Wishes • artist: Anne Murray

Be My Baby

Just what the world needs, another boy. Congratulations Grampie Glenway and for the record, the phrase "I can't wait to see my boys hangin' out with your boys," makes me picture a group of adolescents males with their knickers down. But maybe I just need to grow up.
According to his proud grandfather, little Xavier Maxon likes fast cars, Latin music and women who can speak Russian. He dislikes racial stereotyping and women with breasts that are larger than their heads.
Sure he's cute now but just wait three years till he's jumping off the couch repeatedly and spewing a constant stream of potty talk.

song: Be My Baby • artist: the Ronettes

My Ride's Here

H ran around the living room this morning. He jumped off the couch. He jumped over his little brothers like they were hurdles on a track. He ran from the playroom to the living room and back again numerous times. He was driving me nutty and it was only 10:30. After flu shots for everyone (is there anything more fun than taking four kids to a flu shot clinic?), we went to my new most favorite place in the whole town, the not-yet-finished bike path extension. As soon as we got onto the path H announced he wanted to sit on the front of the stroller and ride.
No ride for you my friend. No ride for you.

song: My Ride's Here • artist: Bruce Springsteen

10 Miles to go on a 9-Mile Road

Even though Tina thought I had my act together on Friday I confess that I didn't tell her, as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest of the story." I didn't mention my walk to the elementary school and how on the way back I checked my watch and was horrified to see that if I didn't hustle I was going to miss our appointment. "I hope she's not the type to arrive early," I fretted as I started skipping through slow tunes on my iPod in an effort to pick up the pace. "Why didn't I download 'You Shook Me All Night Long,'" I lamented. "That song always gets me going."
With mere moments to space, I raced the twins up our road, parked the stroller, grabbed them out, ran them inside and put them in their highchairs. I threw some leftovers in the microwave, hoping that Tina would understand if I ate in front of her (Mommy's very grouchy when she's hungry), and assumed the position of someone who was more than ready to entertain guests.
Then I looked at the clock in the dining room. It read 1:10. "That's funny" I thought - "she's not suppose to be here until 2." It was then I remembered that I hadn't been able to reset my wristwatch to standard time earlier this month because the winding stem is stuck. This was the first time I had not remembered that my watch was on daylight savings time, while the rest of the world - not so much.
So, I breathed a big sigh of relief that no one was around to see me make such a ridiculous mistake and then helped myself to more leftover chili. Tina was right on time.

song: 10 Miles to go on a 9-Mile Road • artist: Jim White

Girl Can't Help It

One of tonight's Google news bites from CNN.com read, "Palin: I'd be honored to help Obama."
Lots of people probably think Palin has already done more than enough to help Obama.

song: Girl Can't Help It • artist: Journey

Road to Nowhere II

Did I mention their international travel?
At Giza, they wanted to walk like an Egyptian, but had to settle for being pushed in the stroller.

At the Acropolis, it was all Greek to them.

We all agreed that stonehenge was "just like in Spinal Tap!"

Our trip to the outback. Good day mates.

It was a challenge getting the stroller to the top of Everest, thank heavens for those Sherpas. The twins really enjoyed the view.

song: Road to Nowhere • artist: Talking Heads

Road to Nowhere

The twins have had a busy ten months. They've been a lot of places and seen a lot of things but it's hard to tell that from looking at them.
(The Buttonwood Zoo in New Bedford, March)

(The Coffee O Five, Town Hall Square, May)

(Touch A Truck Day in Sandwich, June)

(Apple Picking in Connecticut, September)

(Sandwich Fish Hatchery, November)

song: Road to Nowhere • artist: Talking Heads

Seven Words You Can't Say On The Radio

"Da bus! Da bus!" H greets the afternoon bus with the same enthusiasm that Tattoo used to announce the Fantasy Island plane. He's also getting more clever with his potty talk. Like the Renaissance masters who got circumvented taboo surrounding the drawing of nude women by drawing nude "biblical" women like Bathsheba at her Bath, he's figured out that if he can work the potty talk into conversation then it's more acceptable.
Yesterday when Ken came home he went upstairs as per usual to change his clothes.
H followed. "Why are you taking off your pants, daddy? Did you pee pee in them?"
Pretty soon he'll be taking up fishing just so he can request a subscription to Crappie World.

monologue: Seven Words You Can't Say On The Radio • artist: George Carlin

Treat My Baby Good

Proof that we used the costumes Priscilla gave the twins. And even though we canvased the neighborhood on Halloween with the them dressed up, no one gave them any forumula for trick or treat.

song: Treat My Baby Good • artist: Bobby Darin

Up On The Roof

My neighbor is building an addition to his house. My single, childless neighbor that is; but I'm trying not to be bitter about it. This week a roofing crew has been doing some work. There's a man in the crew that looks just like Santa. It might just be Santa - why not? Santa's got to do something during the off-season, and it's likely he's comfortable up on roofs.

song: Up On The Roof • artist: The Drifters

A Fine, Fine Day

It's been a long time since anyone I voted for won the White House - so for today, even my three year old's constant stream of poopy talk can't dampen my mood.

song: A Fine, Fine day • artist: Tony Carey

Voices Carry II

song: Voices Carry • artist: Til Tuesday

Voices Carry

If a three year old uses "bathroom talk" in the forest, will his older brother still rat him out by telling me about it?

song: Voices Carry • artist: Til Tuesday

belated clerihew for lyle

Lyle Lovett, birthday man,
sings a song like no one can.
A gift for him I'd buy if only,
I had a boat, or else a pony.

Double Vision

Before I knew I was having twins, twins weren't even on my radar. Tthe only twins I knew were Ann and Judy from high school and maybe the Billings brothers. Were they twins? They kind of looked alike and they were both in the same grade.
But now, it seems that everyone I meet has a twin connection. It's like when you meet someone from Canada and you have to tell them that you have relatives in Nova Scotia or when you meet another Simmons College alumna.
I feel like I'm trying to be Kitty Baker but here's a portion of the ever growing list of twin associations I've made in the past 18 months
-My wonderful co-workers: Esther, who is a twin, and Mary, who is the mother of twins
-Michelle at the toy store whose twin brother Michael used to be my coworker
The husband of the grandmotherly woman we met at the toy store
-The fabulous Chef Ralph who has a twin brother who is no doubt equally fabulous
-The bank teller's mother who told me that her mother and her aunt would frequently pick out the same birthday card to send each other
-The assistant at the elementary school preschool who has twins and also has observed that once you have twins, twins are everywhere.
-William's mom
-Two of the nurses in the maternity department are mothers of twins as is one of the sales clerks at Cold Water Creek
-The McCusker sisters who aren't twins but are both the mothers of twins
-Half Way's mom
-The mom I met in the the children's museum who is president of her local Mothers of Twins club back home in California
-The owners of Cape Cod Kite who have twin sons
-Grant at community gardens who has a twin brother named Gordon
-The anesthesiologist at Children's Hospital who has twin sons that are 15 years old
-The sale clerk at Mahoney's whose sister gave birth (with her husband's assistance) to twins on the side of the road in two different towns
-Emily, who is the person I can least likely see (besides myself) as the mother of twins
-Doug's distant relations who live on a distant island and speak their own language
-Creator of Ramona the Brave and Runaway Ralph, Beverly Clearly is the mother of twins
-and finally: The guy who shouted, "I was one of those!" at me as I was pushing the double stroller down the hill from Highfield Hall

song: Double Vision • artist: Foreigner

Tuesday Afternoon

This is for all those people waving their campaign signs at every intersection in town.
You want my vote on Tuesday?
Come by and babysit my three year old for a few hours and I'll consider it.

song: Tuesday Afternoon • artist: The Moody Blues

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

The other day someone called for Ken and asked him to vote no on question one. Caller ID saved me from picking up. Maybe if I had they would have asked me to vote no as well but as it was I was left feeling neglected. Not only do I stay home with my kids all day - no one cares how I feel about question one.
Hello! There are two adults listed on our census form!
C is interested in the election. He said that he thinks we should get together all the people who are running for president and ask them questions. He has just reinvented the presidential debate. Of course he naively thinks that the candidates might actually answer the questions. He says that if he were elected president the first thing he would do would be to stop the war in Iraq.
He has my vote.

song: Everybody Wants to Rule the World • artist: Tears for Fears