Monday, June 11, 2012

Stop in the Name of Love

Ah the internet. Does it bring us together or drive the wedge in further?
Does bemoaning the Mommy Wars help solve anything or does it just further emphasize that the Mommy Wars exist? It seems to me that nowhere do they exist better than on the internet.
Working moms who think stay at home moms are rich b*tches who play tennis all day and leave their kids with nannies. Stay at home moms who think working moms don't love their children and leave them in substandard daycares in order to pursue their careers. Yes some people think these things. Some people think all kinds of ridiculous and scary things. But do a majority of people really think these things?
The internet is a great resource for finding things out, but just about any crazy theory you have can be backed up by something you find on the internet.
Some people have observed that I use song titles in my blog posts and wonder how I am able to come up with so many titles. I say there's no shortage of song titles to fit any scenario. If my sons tried to flush the cat down the toilet I'm sure I could google "cat down the toilet" and +lyrics and come up with an appropriate song title.
I have a Facebook friend who posts often about the dangers of unsecured windows in apartment high-rises. Every week, sometimes twice a week, there are stories about children falling out of windows. It there a recent epidemic of kids falling out windows or has this always happened but now we can scan every newspaper in the country to find stories about it?
These two stories illustrate the point that you can find whatever you want to find on the internet. You want articles about lazy stay at home moms? You got 'em. You want stories about apathetic working mothers? There's plenty. It's so easy to leave careless comments on articles that go back and forth on the debate, the internet can't help but stir this pot. Working moms and stay at home moms have always existed and both camps question their choices - it's only recently that those of us who are only able to see things in black and white have become able to join the debate and comment on each and every story that comes along to either illustrate why our point of view is right, or justify why the other camp is wrong.
So when BlogHer runs a story titled "Working Moms Don't Choose For Their Babies to Die" I feel like this heartbreaking story is crushed under the weight of its title; a title I call sensationalism. The title is meant to stir up anger and outrage even if that's not the intention of the writer. Honestly, are there stay at home moms out there who really think this? The title would have you believe it's true and not only that - that it's the way lots stay at home mothers think. Yes, someone made an uncaring comment but this headline is fanning the flames.
Furthermore, BlogHer used the title in their weekly e-mail that's sent to subscribers - just in case you missed it the first time around. I know it was a terrible situation and an uncaring comment, but saying this has to stop while throwing the story out there to be commented on again - it just repeats the cycle.
Sometimes, the best way to stop something is to first stop ourselves.

song: Stop in the Name of Love • artist: The Supremes


Winnie said...

I enjoyed reading your post. I agree there is something on the internet for everyone and they will find their likeminded peoople, and those who think differently etc. It is how we react to these differences that matter. I enjoy reading the posts on Blogher and this way I can experience different types of blogs from my own (I do a craft blog, so no controversy there!). I saw that title of the post and read it. The story was heartbreaking, but the title troublesome to me. I wrote a comment about the actual article. I didn't tackle the title, I figure the auther wanted it to read that way. PS..Now I have the song Yes, We Have No Bananas in my head! Fun!

TangledLou said...

Amen! I saw that title and skipped reading it because I am so very, very tired of all of this turd-stirring. It only perpetuates the myth that all moms are at each other's throats. I honestly believe most people are too busy trying to figure out how to dislodge their cat from the toilet and other such things to really care what other moms are doing.

Thanks for writing this.

Gene said...

As with virtually EVERY internet forum on every subject, anonymity is the real enabler. When someone can hide behind a screen name he or she can say things that they would never say if their real name had to be used. And the sad fact is, some people just like to "stir the pot." What always seems to happen is this (in rough order): A site is created with all the best intentions. Things go just fine - for a while. Then the Masked Internet Heroes arrive on the scene, post outrageous and stupid things and before long, sane and reasonable people depart leaving the site to lunatics. Sorry to seem so negative but I've seen it happen again and again on as wide a spectrum of subjects as you can imagine. So I guess the bottom line is - just don't pay attention. Sorry if this is a bit off topic! And by the way, my name is Gene Bourque.

Sleepy Joe said...

I am with Tangled Lou on this one. I would skip over this one, although I guess that could be just judging a book by it's cover - but that is a whole other conversation.

As a working Mum I spend a very small amount of my time being envious of stay at home Mum's and I have known stay at home Mum's that feel the same of working Mum's. I just think we are all doing the best with what we have.

A very emotive topic well played!!

Joanne said...

I usually enjoy the posts on BlogHer as well. As a parent I can't help but have my own way of parenting and I can't help but notice others parent differently from me. I believe that regardless of differences all parents do what they think is best for their children.
In terms of internet rabble rousing, it's like standing around the kitchen with a brownie in one hand saying, "Woah, I've just got to stop eating these brownies. Could someone hand me another?
P.S. Sorry about "Yes We Have No Bananas," Winnie, but if it knocked "Somebody That I Used to Know" out of your head maybe my blog was doing you a favor!

cdnkaro said...

I'm with TL. Well said!