Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat

With cruise season approaching, this public service announcement is made at the request of a good friend who happens to be an experienced cruiser (of luxury liners, not muscle cars). It seems, not surprisingly, that ice shows aren't the only place where seat-savers create a nuisance. On cruise ships, people actually send their "representatives" up at 6AM to place towels on the prime lounge chairs nearest the pool, freeing up the cruiser to sleep in, meander up on deck at 11, and claim their saved spot. Other cruisers refer to this as chair hogging.
Pssst! Do not do this! The rest of the people on the ship hate you for this! Do not take their displeasure with you lightly as you may need these people someday. For example if the ship goes down in shark-infested waters and you find yourself swimming for the lifeboat only to see the folks you scorned from the "good" pool chairs taking to the oars and rowing off in the other direction. Or, if you're suddenly unable to breathe after accidentally swallowing a chicken bone at dinner and your own personal Julie McCoy is up on deck putting out your beach towel for tomorrow while your shipmates go on with their meals pretending they don't know the international symbol for "help! I am choking!"
I've been informed that other, less dramatic ways your shipmates will exhibit their disapproval at chair hogging include moving the offending towels and relocating the deck chairs, and then pretending to be asleep when the chair hogs finally arrive. Another tactic is to blatantly take the seats and, if confronted, say "I'm sorry but the people who were in these chairs left a little while ago and said we could use them." This leaves the chair hog confused and unable to know exactly who to be angry at; but you can bet Gopher's not getting a big tip at the end of the trip and Captain Stubing is going to hear about it when the ship gets in to Puerto Vallarta.

song: Sit Down Your Rockin' the Boat • soundtrack: Guys and Dolls

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