Everybody Plays the Fool

Tomorrow is April Fool's Day. The pressure is on. I've sewed his pant legs together, hidden plastic bugs in his lunch box, and switched out the Honey Nut Cheerios for dry cat food.
I was thinking of putting plastic wrap on the toilet but why set myself up for something I'll just have to clean?
On another bright note, I heard the peepers for the first time tonight!
Finally spring!

song: Everybody Plays the Fool • artist: The Main Ingredient

Rockin Robin

It happened again. I waited too long to take the Christmas greens out of the window boxes and a bird has built a nest in them.
It's the box closest to the house so it will give my indoor cat something to look at.
The cat has had a pretty good March. Earlier in the month I expanded her wet cat food varieties. I've been buying the brand Before Grain (B.G). It's 100% of whatever it is, be it chicken, or beef. This time I purchased 100% turkey as well as 100% quail. Mmmm quail. You know what they say - it's all about choice.
They don't make what my cat really wants though: 100% chipmunk, 100% Carolina Wren, or the vegetarian entree - 100% spider plant.

song: Rockin Robin Bobby Day

Sweet Dreams II

A very good day.
They look like bear cubs!

song: Sweet Dreams • artist: the Eurythmics

Sweet Dreams

A very good lunch.

song: Sweet Dreams • artist: the Eurythmics

Closing Time

C wrote a note to H, "I love you, H," it said. It was signed, "love and from C."
Love and from? It seemed redundant, but then I decided it was brilliant.
We (or at least I) spend a lot of time looking for just the right word. Especially when it comes to a closing. I never know how to close an e-mail. "Sincerely" sounds too formal. "Have a good one" too informal. "Ciao" too European for a townie like myself. Sometimes I evoke the weather as with the hopeful, "think spring!" but usually I go with "many thanks" which I consider to be friendly yet professional. Letters are less of a problem. If I'm taking the time to put pen to paper, chances are you rate a "love, Joanne," at the end of the missive.
Kids have no such concerns. Why limit yourself, or agonize over, one perfect word? Use more than one. Use as many as you need - conventional letter-writting etiquette be damned. C could have written, "love, from, miss you, and have a nice day." Frankly, all of which sound more satisfying than "many thanks."

song: Closing Time • artist: Lyle Lovett

Never Tear Us Apart

For the love of Pete - they can put a rover on Mars, why can't they make the lining in a bag of cereal in such a way that it's possible to tear it easily and symmetrically instead of an uneven jagged tear that results in cereal being spilled all over the counter?
How about it all yea masters of engineering? Stop working on improvements to shopping carts to fix the inevitable loose wheel that spins counter clockwise from all the others and get to work on this.
And make that two Mars rovers - so step it up.

song: Never Tear Us Apart • artist: INXS

Horse with No Name

C went to a birthday party yesterday and came home with one of the hollow legs off the donkey-shaped pinata.
Tonight he had it on his arm and was gimping around the house on all fours like an extra in the land-of-play scene from a theatrical revival of Pinocchio.
"I'm turning into a donkey!" he mused.
"No you're not," said H. "You're turning into a pinata."

song: Horse with No Name • artist: America

Train in the Distance

Dear Liz,
Holy cr*p. I have already changed three dirty diapers this morning including one that necessitated an impromptu baby bath and a change of mommy's sweater (it probably needed a good washing anyway).
You'd better not call me to say you missed that train!

song: Train in the Distance • artist: Paul Simon

The Fool on the Hill

Today is St. Patrick's Day, if you are of that ethnic persuasion, or just like to drink green beer and sing the unicorn song in crowded bars.
As an English, Italian, French Canadian, St. Patrick's Day doesn't mean much to me. For me the more important revelation is that there are only 14 more days until April Fool's Day.
Now there's a real holiday.

song: The Fool on the Hill • artist: The Beatles

The Bit*h is Back

The other day I came across the word "termagant" in the biography of Piet Mondrian. He wasn't a termagant, someone in his circle of theological acquaintances was. Mondrian couldn't have been a termagant because by definition (I looked it up) a termagant is a quarrelsome, scolding woman; shrew.
"Gee." I thought. "This sounds a lot like the definition of the word harridan." So I looked that one up. Harridan - (noun) - a vicious, scolding woman; a shrew.
What the heck, I looked up shrew. Shrew - (noun) - a woman with a violent, scolding or nagging temperament.
I don't want to implement Orwell's Newspeak - but do we need all these words that mean the same thing?
And if we do, in all fairness, where are all the words that mean "a scolding, quarrelsome, nagging man?"

song: The Bit*h is Back • artist: Elton John

How Much is that Doggie in the Window?

OMG Tina - Angus is so cute!
I seriously wanted to name one of the twins Angus!
I love that name!
Who would mess with a kid named Angus?
Ken vetoed it.
Guess they'll have to deflect bullies using merely their wits instead of relying on their tough, manly names.
Maybe I should have named one of them Sue.

song: How Much is that Doggie in the Window? • artist: Bob Merrill

Come on See The Show

So it's okay for him to figure skating in the ice show - but it's not okay for his mom to give him a kiss on the cheek for good luck?
Actually there's a lot to be said for male figure skating. For one thing, the show costumes are a lot warmer. Black skates don't have to be polished - and wearing sweatshirts between numbers is okay because you don't have to worry about messing up your hair taking them off over your head.
I've been averaging two cups of mood enhancing tea per day instead of the recommended four to six. Does that mean I'm only half as happy as I could be?

song: Come on See The Show • artist: Emerson, Lake, and Palmer

YMCA

C told me they played a "really boring" game in P.E. yesterday.
"They played this music and you had to make the letters Y M C A with your arms."
And you thought the worst thing your kids might learn in the public school was sex ed.

song; YMCA • artist: The Village People

Goin' Out Of My Head

Kids never seem to know what they want do they? Or maybe it's that they're never happy with what they have - in which case they are just like grown ups.
Recently C was in the living room complaining - loudly - that he couldn't hear his story on CD because H was being too noisy. I managed to redirect H and get him interested in playing indoor basketball. The next thing I knew C was complaining - loudly - that H wouldn't let him play basketball.
Another day C got mad that I wasn't putting applesauce in his lunch box like I was for Henry. You see, applesauce is a acceptable in his lunch because it isn't pink. So I included one with Tuesday's peanut butter and Nutella sandwich - he didn't eat it.
Finally, on another day H was lining up his match box cars on the living room rug. and got mad at the twins because they kept trying to pick them up. I put N & S in their Pack 'n Play along with their noisy farm toy and go off to make dinner. Next time I check on them H is in the Pack 'n Play with his brothers and, of course, I want to yell, "what's wrong with you? Can't you see that I moved your brothers for your benefit? So they wouldn't mess up your things? Get out of there and go back to playing with your cars dammit!"
But I'm taking Effective Parenting classes now so instead I yelled, "what's wrong with you? Can't you see that I moved your brothers for your benefit? So they wouldn't mess up your things? Get out of there and go back to playing with your cars dammit!"

song: Goin' Out Of My Head • artist: Little Anthony and The Imperials

Time in a Bottle

On Sunday C and H buried a time capsule in the back yard. The capsule was a peanut butter jar filled with a variety of random objects and a note that read, "this is a vere old note from the 2 hundridits."
Two days later, on Tuesday, they dug up the capsule and marveled at how no dirt had gotten inside.
Considering our current penchant for instant messaging, instant gratification, and instant oatmeal, they should be commending for waiting as long as they did.

song: Time in a Bottle • artist: Jim Croce

Pink Cadillac

My son can no longer have strawberry yogurt in his lunch box. The other boys make fun of him, "because it's pink."
"What if it was pink pureed raw meat yogurt?" I suggested.
"Nope."
"What if it were orange peach yogurt?"
"Okay."

song: Pink Cadillac • artist: Bruce Springsteen

Relax

Here are some ways that I deal with feelings of total frustration brought on by my children in situations, like the car, where I can't physically get away from them. I either a) whisper "shut up, shut up!" under my breath; b) think about my friend Tom and about how he thought I would be a great mom and resolve not to let him down; c) think about my equally encouraging friend Pam and resolve not to let her down, or d) think about what a great story the incident will make at Effective Parenting Class, and remarkably, one of these usually does the trick.
I now have a new weapon in my arsenal - St John's Wort Caffeine-Free Herbal Tea, purported to encourage a positive mood and purchased mainly because a glass of wine at 10AM is generally frowned upon.
My maximum potential for achieving a "positive mood" through consumption of a non-alcoholic beverage will be reached if I "drink 4-6 cups daily between meals for at least 4 weeks."
If I had the time for four or five cups of tea per day, I think I'd already be in a pretty good mood.

song: Relax • artist: Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Time of Your Life

Hey! My watch is telling the right time again!

song: Time of Your Life • artist: Green Day

Someone to Watch Over Me

Last summer, by happenstance, I read the super-hero graphic novel that's opening today as a movie.
Even though I won't be seeing the movie until its release on DVD (in what? two, maybe three weeks?) I'm still feeling unusually relevant.

song: Someone to Watch Over Me • artist: George Gershwin

Man in the Mirror

Speaking of Michael Jackson, on Sunday I heard "Man in the Mirror" played three times on Sirius radio - two different stations.
The first time I thought, "hey, cool, I haven't heard that song in a long time." I even went as far as thinking it was a pretty deep tune for a Michael Jackson number.
The second time I thought, "that's weird."
The third time I knew that the fates were trying to tell me something - that I'd better, "make that change."
Micheal changed his nose, cheekbones, and the color of his skin.
I wonder where I should start.

song: Man in the Mirror • artist: Michael Jackson

Dangerous

C has been assessing his career options. He's "interested" in space but doesn't want to be an astronaut because that's "too dangerous." He thinks being a plumber might be good, and mentioned once that he'd like to be a receptionist because then he could sit down all day.
Then there's his back-up plan which is to be a baseball player.
He friend Will is planning to be a fireman and C wants to talk him out of it because, that's "too dangerous." Likewise he plans to have a heart to heart with Anthony, who wants to be a policeman.
H left his lunch box at preschool yesterday. My best efforts to assure him it would be okay there until Monday did not go over well so, after we met C at the bus stop I told him to hop in the mini van because we have to go back to North Falmouth and retrieve it.
Instead C suggested that he walk home himself and wait for us there.
Sorry Buddy, that's "too dangerous."

song: Dangerous • artist: Michael Jackson

Big Ten Inch II

School was cancelled today. Preschool too.
I was trapped like a rat in my own home.
Like a rat with a lot of children.
And no peanut butter.
Here's H giving me his breakfast order:
"Honey Nut Cheerios, milk, banana, orange juice, and a vitamin."
C: "What'd he say?"
Mommy: "He said he wants Honey Nut Cheerios, milk, banana, orange juice, and a vitamin."
C: "Oh. I thought he said, 'and Spider-Man.' "
Mommy: "Spider-Man? Well that's just ridiculous."

song: Big Ten Inch • artist: Aerosmith

I Will Survive

Major snow storm today. Or maybe not.
Up to 15 inches. Or maybe not.
Predictions of snowfall always bring out my hoarding instincts. OMG, it might snow! We have no peanut butter in the house! How will we survive a day, one whole day, 24 hours, maybe more (gasp!) without peanut butter? And look at this, we only have an open half-gallon of milk in the fridge. And ham! where's the ham?
Ken assures me that he has four-wheel drive and consequently will be able to make it to the store. I knew there was a reason we kept that truck. Thank heaves because I'm quite sure we'll be down to eating shoe leather by the time he gets home from work.

song: I Will Survive • artist: Gloria Gaynor