Close To You

Normally I'm a big fan of velcro. It's made lots of things in my life easier, and provided lots of entertainment to viewers of David Letterman. It does have its dark side however, which is its inability to discern between the things it should and should not stick to.
Today I took a stinky diaper off N, wrapped it, and set it aside. The velcro tab on the diaper grabbed my sweater as I was reaching across the changing table for a diaper wipe. The dirty diaper began creeping towards me like Ash's possessed hand in Evil Dead II. The faster I pulled, the faster it followed. I tried to shake it loose. It wouldn't go. I couldn't grab it with my other hand because I couldn't let go of the baby. Damn, I thought, what if N kicks it and goes heel-deep into poop? Luckily he kicked, hit the diaper but missed the poop, and freed me from the tab.
I know I should have deposited the dirty diaper directly into the trash can - why didn't I do that, I wondered irritatedly. It's like all those James Bond movies. Bond always lives because the bad guys never just shoot him - they always capture him and then try to set him up for some kind of slow, agonizing-yet-clever death. Bond always escapes. Why don't they just shoot him? "Just shoot him!" I want to yell at the screen.
Dumb criminals and mothers. They never learn.

song: Close To You • artist: The Carpenters