Like A Virgin

After a certain age there comes the realization that certain goals in life may never be accomplished. For example I will never become an Olympic gymnast, or a modern dancer. I will never climb Mount Everest or traverse the continent on a bicycle. I'll never move to the rain forest to live with pygmies or sing Away in a Manger in the Sunday school Christmas pagent. And that's okay. Recently they interviewed a 52-year-old prostitute in the newspaper. Now there's a career opportunity I would have thought was closed to me as well, but now I have hope. That's right kids, Mom could still be a hooker.
Sunday I read in the Boston Globe magazine about a different type of vocation - the consecrated virgin .
The writer interviewed three consecrated virgins; women who have formally "married Jesus," in ceremonies that included white dresses but no Crate and Barrel bridal registry. The article failed, at least in my opinion, to address the elephant in the room. Since divorced women can now become nuns and divorced men can become priests, can divorced women, that is, women who presumably have had sex, become consecrated virgins? That is to say, is this a career option that's still open to me?
And where does Jesus fit into the picture? Doesn't he get a say in who he wants to marry? Seems he's been getting fixed up since his mystical marriage to Saint Catherine all those years ago.
The Globe article said there were 250 consecrated virgins in the United States alone. That's 250 women married to Jesus. That makes Jesus a polygamist. Or a Mormon.

song: Like A Virgin • artist: Madonna