Parenting Is...

Having to explain the transient nature of balloon animals.

Stop in the Name of Love

Ah the internet. Does it bring us together or drive the wedge in further?
Does bemoaning the Mommy Wars help solve anything or does it just further emphasize that the Mommy Wars exist? It seems to me that nowhere do they exist better than on the internet.
Working moms who think stay at home moms are rich b*tches who play tennis all day and leave their kids with nannies. Stay at home moms who think working moms don't love their children and leave them in substandard daycares in order to pursue their careers. Yes some people think these things. Some people think all kinds of ridiculous and scary things. But do a majority of people really think these things?
The internet is a great resource for finding things out, but just about any crazy theory you have can be backed up by something you find on the internet.
Some people have observed that I use song titles in my blog posts and wonder how I am able to come up with so many titles. I say there's no shortage of song titles to fit any scenario. If my sons tried to flush the cat down the toilet I'm sure I could google "cat down the toilet" and +lyrics and come up with an appropriate song title.
I have a Facebook friend who posts often about the dangers of unsecured windows in apartment high-rises. Every week, sometimes twice a week, there are stories about children falling out of windows. It there a recent epidemic of kids falling out windows or has this always happened but now we can scan every newspaper in the country to find stories about it?
These two stories illustrate the point that you can find whatever you want to find on the internet. You want articles about lazy stay at home moms? You got 'em. You want stories about apathetic working mothers? There's plenty. It's so easy to leave careless comments on articles that go back and forth on the debate, the internet can't help but stir this pot. Working moms and stay at home moms have always existed and both camps question their choices - it's only recently that those of us who are only able to see things in black and white have become able to join the debate and comment on each and every story that comes along to either illustrate why our point of view is right, or justify why the other camp is wrong.
So when BlogHer runs a story titled "Working Moms Don't Choose For Their Babies to Die" I feel like this heartbreaking story is crushed under the weight of its title; a title I call sensationalism. The title is meant to stir up anger and outrage even if that's not the intention of the writer. Honestly, are there stay at home moms out there who really think this? The title would have you believe it's true and not only that - that it's the way lots stay at home mothers think. Yes, someone made an uncaring comment but this headline is fanning the flames.
Furthermore, BlogHer used the title in their weekly e-mail that's sent to subscribers - just in case you missed it the first time around. I know it was a terrible situation and an uncaring comment, but saying this has to stop while throwing the story out there to be commented on again - it just repeats the cycle.
Sometimes, the best way to stop something is to first stop ourselves.

song: Stop in the Name of Love • artist: The Supremes

Parenting Is...

when you get to be a hero for finding the bed-time stuffed animal.

Yes We Have No Bananas

Me: How come you haven't been buying bananas?
Him: The kids haven't been eating them.
Me: But I like bananas.
Him: Oh. I didn't know you liked bananas.
Me: We used to buy bananas before we had kids.
Him. We did? I can't remember anything from before we had kids.
Me: Me neither. But I think there was bananas.

song: Yes We Have No Bananas • artist: Frank Silver and Irving Cohm

Was A Sunny Day

... until I hung out the laundry.

song: Was A Sunny Day • artist: Paul Simon

St. Stephen

I know it's bad form to list the names of your children on your blog. I know this because I have never done it and when I finally looked around at other people's blogs I noticed that they never do it either.
So this little story might lack some punch with names being omitted to protect the innocent but here goes.
As a general rule boy names do not go in and out of fashion like girl names and while I don't think we gave our children common names, I don't think we gave them exceptionally uncommon ones either. Sure, S may be the exception, but it's a good old fashioned New England name. Look back 150 years and this town was swarming with Ss.
That being said it was my eldest son who was crushed to learn recently that while all three of his brothers share their names with saints, he does not. Not only that, there's a Saint Joanne and a Saint Ken. Of course there was a Saint Joseph and a Saint Margaret (his maternal grandparents). There's even a Saint Vivien (his paternal grandmother) - and a Saint Leo (the cat).
I'm waiting for the day when he uses this information against me. I'll ask him to behave and he'll retort, "Whadda you expect? I'm no saint!"

song: St. Stephen • artist: Grateful Dead

Rumbleseat

The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #14

The most desirable car seat in the mini van is always whichever one my brother is already seated in.

song: Rumbleseat • artist: John Mellencamp

Express Yourself

Clean, Protect, & Invigorate!
Invigorating Clean Multi-Protection!
Invigorating Sensation!
Invigorating Mint!
The above trumped up claims all appear on the same label of mouthwash. I added the exclamation points since EVERY WORD ON THE LABEL IS IN UPPER CASE.
It's like some junior advertising copy writer just discovered the word invigorate and felt the need to use it everywhere.
I pointed this out to Ken, who bought said redundant mouthwash.
He replied, "Yeah, but I only paid 99¢ for it."
Invigorating Savings!

song: Express Yourself • artist: Madonna

Recommended Pages (A Facebook List Poem)

Betty White
Beach
The Bible
Boating
Maya Angelou
Dirty Dancing
Reba McEntire
Art
Walt Disney World Resort
Dalai Lama
Fenway Park
Cooking
Coffee
George W. Bush
The Biggest Loser
Sense and Sensibility
Baking
Home Goods
Clean House
Musical Theater
The Hobbit

Car Wash

We won the car wash-themed raffle basket last night at the school art show/ice cream social. C wanted to wash the car when we got home - at 8:30 - in the dark.
Since I said no to that, he was outside instead at 7:15 this morning with his brother, washing both our cars.
If we'd won the backyard barbecue-themed basket instead, do you think he'd have been outside at 7:15 grilling?

song: Car Wash • artist: Rose Royce

Alive and Kicking

It was a good morning because the enormous bull frog and the box turtle that C and I passed while biking to school were both alive and well and not squished in the road.
Then in the late morning, on my way to town, the car ahead of me stopped to let a small snapping turtle finish crossing down by Chappy Grill.
So obviously it's turtle-crossing-the-road season people, try to look out for them!

song Alive and Kicking • artist: Simple Minds

Parenting is...

when you praise your nine year old for taking the money you gave him to spend at the May Festival and buying two swords with it; because at least he remembered to buy a sword for his little brother.

Simple Song

Words to live by from Mother Goose:

A wise old owl
Lived in an oak
The more he saw
The less he spoke
The less he spoke
The more he heard
Why can't we all be
Like that wise old bird?

song: Simple Song • artist: The Shins

Man in the Mirror

song: Man in the Mirror • artist: Michael Jackson

Knowing Me Knowing You

Let's get this straight. I am only doing this because Kevin asked. Do not start sending me chain e-mails for recipes or tagging me for 25 questions on Facebook because I will continue to blatantly ignore those requests.
I have been tagged by daddy blogger Kevin at Who Woulda Thought?   to participate in this chain blog ice-breaker. It's like orientation week at college - or spin the bottle - kinda - or maybe not - I wouldn't know.
Anyway there are some rules and some directions. The challenge for me has been coming up with a whole 11 blogs to tag. I should follow more blogs, I know, but I should also read book II of the Hunger Games, finish Zen Mind Beginner Mind, and practice my isolations (see fact #3).
According to Kevin, you must post these rules so here goes:
Each per­son must post 11 things about them­selves on their blog. Answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post and cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer. You have to choose 11 peo­ple to tag and link them on the post. Go to their page and tell them you have linked him or her. No tag backs and you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 people.

Eleven facts about me:
1. I do not like balloons or Disneyland.
2. I have very cold hands. All my life people who have shaken hands with me have commented on this and said "cold hands warm heart." I do not feel like have a particularly warm heart.
3. I attend bellydance class.
4. I've love having lived on Cape Cod my whole life but really don't like those who pride themselves on never going over the bridge.
5. I have a degree in graphic design and a soft spot for dads who blog.
6. If you idle your car in front of me for more than 20 seconds you should know that although I won't say anything (unless you are my husband), I am seriously cringing on the inside.
7. I underline words I don't know in books I'm reading and yes - look them up later.
8. I put my cat on a leash (see yesterday's post).
9. I think everyone's life needs more art.
10. I think that attending a women's college and then producing four male offspring is the ultimate irony.
11. I hate talking on the telephone.

Eleven answers to eleven questions from Kevin: 
1.    Which movie best describes your life? I cannot imagine anyone sitting through a two-hour movie that would describe my life. What's that one with Michael Keaton as the stay-at-home dad? Maybe it would be that one. I have, on many occasions likened my life to various Seinfeld episodes. My favorite Seinfeld quote that describes my life would be the Newman postal rant: "Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, it's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, and you gotta get it out, but the more you get out, the more keeps coming in! And then the bar code reader breaks! And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse Day…!" 
2.    What is your favorite comic strip? Bloom County.
3.    Who or what is your favorite Star Wars character? You've kind of got me here. I only have three movies to choose from - and only one that I've seen in the past 15 years. Luckily it was just last weekend that H and I watched it. Definitely Chewbacca. He reminds me of my cat. Which I keep on a leash. Did I mention that?
4.    What song can you listen to over and over and over? Warren Zevon's Mr Bad Example
5.    Are your farts (A) loud, (B) silent but deadly or (C) in between? B. I blame them on whichever kid is closest to me.
6.    Who is your favorite stand up comic? George Carlin.
7.    If you were stranded in the desert and your wagon lost a wheel, how many pancakes would it take to cover a dog house? Didn't this happen in the book "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs?" I remember reading it to my kids.
8.    Are you allergic to anything? Disneyland
9.    What is your ideal vehicle? Ideally I would take public transportation everywhere. Or rely on my own two feet. One of those bicycle richshaws might be nice.
10.    Would you put one of those ridiculous stick figure families on your ideal vehicle? Heck no. I was just making fun of those the other day. I saw one with ten stick-figure children on a car that was way too small for such a large family of stick figures. I hoped they were being ironic.  
11.    If we were to look in your browser history what would we find? That I obsessively check blog hits via site meter. I gotta get a life.

Eleven blogs tagged:
Because I'm not good about keeping up with other people's blogs, I had to cull most of these from the short list of folks who've ever commented on my blog and happen to have blogs themselves. Aren't you sorry you commented now?
1. Kathy at Giggling Truckers Wife
2. Priscilla @ Designs by Priscilla
3. Sean at Commuter Daddy
4. Naked Mommy
5. Lola @ Bear & Lion
6. Deb @ Kicking Corners
7. Four Under Four (plus two)
8. Larissa @ Papa is a Preacher
9. Elise @ A Touch of the Absurd
10. Tania @ Maui Shop Girl
11. Recovering Supermom

Eleven questions for them to answer:
1. Why did you start a blog?
2. What have you learned about yourself from blogging?
3. How do you blog and still get things done around your house?
4. Why is blogging better than Facebook?
5. What is the last book you read?
6. What is the last live performance you saw?
7. What is your favorite children's book?
8. What is your favorite typeface?
9. Would you ever put your cat on a leash?
10. Who would play you in the movie version of your life?
11. Love the tourists or can't wait for them to leave?

And of course:
The final word.

So Kevin, this has taken up my entire morning. I'm hoping you'll be over soon to help out. The kitty litter stinks, the laundry needs to be hung, there are blocks and Legos all over the living room, I gotta figure out what's for dinner and I was hoping to make fresh hummus so please bring some lemons and parsley

song: Knowing Me Knowing You • artist: Abba

Walk This Way

Yes. I am officially the kind of person who puts a leash on my cat and lets my kids walk her around the yard.
Why does gay marriage seem more normal (way more normal) than a cat on a leash?
Right now Leo is thinking, "OMG. The cat across the street can't see me can he?"

song: Walk this Way • artist: Aerosmith

Telephone Line

Musing on what's left of the Marconi Wireless Station in South Wellfleet for InsideOUT.

song: Telephone Line • artist: Electric Light Orchestra

My Boyfriend's Back

Our veterinarian's college-age daughter has a cat named boyfriend. It's a brilliant name for averting nosey personal questions.
"Well of course I have a boyfriend."
"My boyfriend's at home tonight."
"I'd love to go to that lecture on medieval architecture but I've got to stay home with my boyfriend."
"Too bad my boyfriend couldn't come for Thanksgiving dinner. He really loves turkey."
"My boyfriend's a real tiger - if you know what I mean."
Boyfriend had to move in with the vet and his wife when their daughter's roommate developed allergies. The vet says he doesn't mind having the cat prowl his office and rather enjoys the company.
"I'm in love with my daughter's boyfriend."

song: My Boyfriend's Back • artist: The Angels

Purple Haze

Is it just me or did the lilacs go by way too quickly this year?

song: Purple Haze • artist: Jimmy Hendrix

Takin' Care of Business

Looks like I can either continue to wipe H's butt after #2 until he leaves for college, or, I can let him sink a half a roll of tp into the toilet trying to do the job himself.

song: Takin' Care of Business • artist: Bachman Turner Overdrive

Where Do The Children Play?

Good news! My kids dried off all the wet playground equipment outside the little library.
With their butts.

song: Where Do The Children Play? • artist: Cat Stevens

Sweet City Woman

My favorite Maurice Sendak book was Pierre.
I loved the scene where his parents offer to let him fold the folding chair if he'll just give a darn.
It's just such a random thing.
Name another children's book that mentions folding chairs?
It's like the song Sweet City Woman.
Name another song that mentions macaroons?

song: Sweet City Woman • artist: The Stampeders

Drive

Parking jam on the potty.
Guess everyone had to go all at once.

song: Drive • the Cars

Wild Thing

So the other night I'm reading Where the Wild Things Are to S and N for at least the 100th time.
They get mad at the end if I read the final two words. They like for me to pause after, "and it was…" so they can sing out in unison, "still hot!"
For this particular go round H is sitting on the bed too and we get to the part where Max tires of the wild rumpus, and longs to be "where someone loved him best of all."
And I look at the boys.
And I get a little sentimental.
And I say - who loves Max best of all?
And the three of them look at me blankly.
"Wild Things?"
"No. Not the Wild Things."
"Monsters?"
"No. Not the Monsters."
"Boat?"
"No. Not the boat."
"Dog?"
"No. Not the dog."
silence
"Who loves Max best of all?"
silence
"His mother! His mother loves him best of all!! That's why his dinner is still hot!"
sigh.

song: Wild Thing • artist: The Troggs

What A Difference A Day Makes

Saturday night I'm Belly Dancing For a Cure in silk and coins; Sunday night I'm wearing a headlamp and biking around Pine Bay in the dark trying to peep on the peepers (to no avail) with C.


song: What A Difference A Day Makes • artist: Dinah Washington

Night Train

For the first time - ever - my kids fell asleep before I'd finished reading a bedtime story.
I didn't quite know what to do so I just finished the story.

song: Night Train • artist: Rickie Lee Jones

Talk to the Animals

Mrs. Arable figeted. "Fern says the animals talk to each other. Dr. Dorian, do you believe animals talk?"
"I never heard one say anything." he replied. "But that proves nothing. It is quite possible that an animal has spoken civilly to me and that I didn't catch the remark because I wasn't paying attention. Children pay better attention than grownups. If Fern says that the animals in Zuckerman's barn talk, I'm quite ready to believe her. Perhaps if people talked less, animals would talk more. People are incessant talkers - I can give you my word on that."
                                          -Charlotte's Web, by E.B.White

Guess what? H brought home an audio recording of Charlotte's Web from the library. Good thing it's his teacher who's reading the book aloud in class and not his mom. Just listening to it on tape makes me cry.

song: Talk to the Animals • movie: Dr. Doolittle

Forget You

You never realize how much swearing there is in a PG movie (at least in a PG movie from the 1980s), until you watch it with your kids.

song: Forget You • artist: Cee Lo Green

This Land is Your Land

Ah, the Pledge of Allegiance controversy has come to Falmouth.
Was our selectman trying to undermine the basic freedoms upon which our country was built? Or was she just trying to shorten up a lengthy meeting by eliminating something unnecessary in order to get to the important matters at hand?
Whatever those important matter may have been the media instead picked up on the subject most likely to cause the biggest stir - her decision not to start the meeting with the Pledge of Allegiance.
After that little else mattered: administrative salaries, school budgets, wind turbines, yet another road race permit; whatever came next paled in comparison to that initial omission.
Now Falmouth is making the news, but not for anything significant.
Now Melissa Freitag is being called, among other things, a socialist. I don't know if she is or not but I know someone who was - the original writer of the Pledge.
I sometimes think there's a misconception that the Pledge of Allegiance was handed to Moses along with the Ten Commandments.
It wasn't.
It wasn't written by the founding fathers either.
It was written by an employee of the magazine Youth's Companion as part of the celebration surrounding the 400th anniversary of Columbus not really discovering America.
That anniversary was celebrated in a big way at the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago in 1892. The same world's fair that brought us the Ferris wheel, shredded wheat, spray paint, picture postcards, and the hamburger.
Francis Bellamy is credited with penning the original Pledge. According to "The Pledge of Allegiance," by Christine Webster, Francis Bellamy was "noted for his socialist and patriotic beliefs." In addition to being a socialist, Francis Bellamy was, like his father before him, a Baptist minister. Even with his theological background, he wasn't compelled to mention God in his Pledge.
This is how the original Pledge went: "I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all."
The pledge has been changed more than once from the original 22 words Bellamy penned. The words "under God" were the the last two to be added, more than 50 years after the Pledge of Allegiance was written.
According to Webster's book the initial purpose of the Pledge was to spur unity between schoolchildren living in northern and southern states, many of whom had family members still smarting from Civil War wounds both physical and mental. A mutual love of their flag, the editors of Youth's Companion hoped, would lead to the country towards a more unified, indivisible, front.
Instead of unity, what we have now are people working tirelessly to divide the country over whether on not the pledge should be said in schools or at town meetings.
It's interesting to note that the original words "one nation indivisible" which was really the heart of the Pledge have now been divided themselves by the placement of the phrase under God. Words with stemmed from an amendment to the Pledge proposed by the Knights of Columbus during the height of the Cold War in 1952 and approved as a change by then President Eisenhower in 1954.
Maybe it's this history, along with the Pledge in its original form that should be recited outside town hall next Monday night at 6:55 PM.

song: This Land is Your Land • artist: Woody Guthrie

The Boys of Summer II

Damn. Credit card denied on sun screen order. At least we'll have those praying mantises.

song: The Boys of Summer • artist:  The Eagles

The Boys of Summer

Have ordered non-PVC-laden shower curtain, sun screen, and praying mantis egg cases.
Looking forward to another interesting summer at camp run-a-muck, aka our house.

song: The Boys of Summer • artist: The Eagles

I Want to Hold Your Hand

In busy parking lots or at crowded county fairs they eschew it but every morning the twins freak out if I don't hold hand with them while they walk down the stairs.

song: I Want to Hold Your Hand • artist: The Beatles

Stay Young, Go Dancing

Fenway Park, the Red Line, Girl Scouts of America, the National Cherry Blossom Festival in DC, and of course the Titanic. Is there anything that's not celebrating it's 100th anniversary in 2012?
Some days I feel like I might be turning 100 myself but then it gets better because I get to go to dance practice.

song: Stay Young, Go Dancing • artist: Death Cab for Cutie

Lucky Just to be Alive

Dinner gets a vote of no confidence…

song: Lucky Just to be Alive • artist: Entrain

Burning Down the House

It's not dinner if you don't destroy the kitchen while making it.

song: Burning Down the House • artist: Talking Heads

Ridin' in My Car

It's amazing the trust our kids put in us. Not that I'll make wise decisions or judge squabbles fairly, but that I can successfully drive them to the place where we want to go.
It was the same when I was a kid. I never doubted for a minute that my parents didn't know where they were going. And that was before Mapquest and GPS. Of course they knew. They were grown ups. Grown ups just know.
There we were on Monday morning - at 3:30 AM, driving in complete darkness to a town I haven't been to since I was a kid looking for some battlefield and not only that but once I find said field I have to find some nearby parking.
And there my kids are, in the back, blissfully oblivious to the fact that their directionally-impaired mother is driving around in the dark - lost. And yes, it didn't actually occur to me that it would still be dark when we got there.
They are confidently reading by book light and I'm in a panic thinking who am I trying to kid here? I once missed a Falmouth verses Barnstable hockey game because I couldn't find the Hyannis skating rink.
Then there was parking.
There's nothing worse than the sinking feeling that you're about to deprive your sons of the shot heard round the world because you couldn't parallel park on a Lexington side street to save your life.

song: Ridin' in My Car • artist: She & Him

Relax

Do I need to mellow out , when, at the Earth Day canal clean up, the volunteer hands me a bagel on a paper plate and I think "OMG! Why are you giving me this one-time-use disposable paper plate - it's Earth Day for Christ's sake!"
Maybe it's time to just calm down and have a little less coffee in that there stainless steel mug.

song: Relax • artist: Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Dance Band on the Titanic

The Titanic has been making the news everywhere this week with experts surmising that a great deal of the ship's allure lies in people wondering whether or not they would have gotten in a lifeboat or chosen to dress in their Sunday best and down with the ship.
I'm glad we're all assuming that we'd be in first class. Guess we're the 1% after all.

song: Dance Band on the Titanic • artist: Harry Chapin

Shoot to Thrill

I know what you're wondering - are there porta potties at the reenactment of the Battle of Lexington?

Thankfully. Yes.

song: Shoot to Thrill • artist: AC/DC

Hurt So Good

H just told me that he scraped his leg on a dried Special K flake that was stuck to his chair.
Great. My inept cleaning is injuring my kids.

song: Hurt So Good • artist: John Cougar Mellencamp

What's Forever For?

Depressing quote of the day from Susan Freinkel's Plastic: A Toxic Love Story:
"unless it's been beached or removed, every piece of plastic that has entered the ocean in the past century remains there in some form or another."
Except that actually that's wrong. What it should say is "unless it's been beached, removed, or ingested..."
Though I suppose removed is technically the same as ingested.
Now I think I've even more depressed. And not even this sappy 80s tune can cheer me up.

song: What's Forever For? • artist: Michael Murphy

Pink Cadillac

On Easter, a Lexus passed us on the Mass Pike sporting a bumper sticker that queried "got Jesus?"
It seemed ironic, like the Don Henley line, "I saw a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac." Didn't he know the one about the camel, the needle, and the rich man? The rich man with the Lexus?
Or maybe he was just being really literal.
As in, "I got Jesus. Right here. In the trunk of my Lexus."

song: Pink Cadillac • artist: Bruce Springsteen

Chasing Pirates

Happy Eastarrrrrrrh.

song: Chasing Pirates • artist: Norah Jones

Show Me the Way

In this new non-competitive (at least at the elementary-school level) world kids now inhabit, where ribbons are no longer given out at field day and jr. baseball coaches pitch until the batter gets a hit or the coaches arm gets tired and he gives up and walks the player. And where no one officially keeps score at recreation league soccer games except the kids and the parents - it's a wonder we still have this tradition of Easter egg hunts.
Easter egg hunts, which are hunts in name only, more like an Easter egg grab, are like a combination of the "Lord of the Flies" and "The Hunger Games." Kids take to a roped off field convinced that their village will starve unless they knock down all those put-that-speaking-shell-down-we're-not-in-Kansas-any-more wussy kids on their was to a coveted chocolate covered egg.
That's over in the ages five and up coral. In the four and under area little kids wander about in a daze while parents shout useless instructions at them from the perimeter of the arena.
"The blue one! Get the blue one!"
"It's right there! By your left foot!"
"The egg! Yes! The egg!"
"Pick it up!"
"Quick! That little kid with the glasses is headed towards it! Ahhhh! Oh! Don't let him get it! Pick it up! Pick it up!"
"Okay. Then yellow one then. Get the yellow one."
"Yellow! Like a duck!"
It's like a frog jumping contest that you're really, really vested in.
Finally frustrated parents will enter the sacred taped off area and try to lead their offspring over to an egg without actually picking it up for them.
Yesterday in town the egg hunts were staggered so that enterprising kids could attend the 10AM egg hunt at Mashpee Commons, the 11AM hunt at the WCC and finally the 1PM hunt on the library lawn in Falmouth with each hunt taking approximately 7 minutes from start to finish.
Me: "Why'd you collect so much candy? You don't even like most of those?"
C: "I know. But I can make money off them."
Me: "You can? How?"
C: "By selling it back to you."

song: Show Me the Way • artist: Peter Frampton

Good Thing

If my kids have the day off from school - what's so "good" about it?

song: Good Thing • artist: Fine Young Cannibals

Life in a Northern Town

Choose Life. Your Mother did.

song: Life in a Northern Town • artist: Dream Academy

Dawned On Me

Am I crap mom for bailing on my six year old this morning?
After he came down for breakfast ten-minutes late (we have no room to spare in the morning) he couldn't find his sneakers at bus stop zero time. So I left him with Daddy and walked to the bus stop with C.
I prefer to think that I teaching him a real-life lesson about the importance of good time management.
Keep in mind we've been talking about the benefits of getting out of bed at the first wake-up call (instead of the third, forth, or fifth) for a long time now.

song: Dawned On Me • artist: Wilco

You Shook Me All Night Long

Sometimes it takes forever for kids to fall asleep.
Sometimes they fall asleep in the time it takes you to walk down the hall for lip gloss and return to their room.
On these nights it's important not to get cocky because chances are that by morning those same children will be sleeping in your bed.

song: You Shook Me All Night Long • artist: AC/DC

American Pie

I just read in Plastic: A Toxic Love Story that at least for the moment plastic pellets (raw plastic) is created here in the United States - then shipped to China to be made into everything from computers to the plastic crap given out in birthday party goody bags. Then it's shipped back to the United States to be sold.
It's kind of like growing apples in New Hampshire, shipping them to Russia to be made into apple pie and then sent back to be sold in Stop and Shop.
Don't tell me we already to that too.

song: American Pie • artist: Don McLean

A Boy Named Sue

I recently found out that my cousin's mother's (cousin-in-law actually) honest-to-goodness first name is Peter.
She is the original boy named Sue.

song: A Boy Named Sue • artist: Johnny Cash

Pick Yourself Up

The Tao of my Twins: Lesson #13

When my snack falls on the floor in public, in view of other parents, Mommy always snatches it up and throws it out - all the while lecturing loudly about germs.
When my snacks fall on the floor out of view of other parents, Mommy always picks it up, dusts it off, mutters something about the five second rule, and hands it back to me.

song: Pick Yourself Up • artist: Frank Sinatra

What a Fool Believes

It's a lot harder to play April Fool's Day jokes on your kids on a Sunday when you can't trick out their lunch boxes or wake them up an hour early for the bus.
I settled for switching all the clothes in S & N's closet for all the clothes in C & H's closet.
H didn't even notice.
He put on a size 3T shirt, then turned to me and said, "Mommy, this one's a little small."

song: What a Fool Believes • artist: Doobie Brothers

Long Ago

C: I bet when Dr. Seuss typed his books a lot of his made up words weren't in spell check.
Me: Mmmmmmm Hmmmmmmm. good thing Dr. Seuss didn't have a computer.

song: Long Ago • artist: The Carpenters

The Nylon Curtain

You think that shoppers macing each other to get Xboxes on black Friday is a new and disturbing trend but according to Susan Freinkel's "Plastic: A Toxic Love Story," in the 1920s "full scale brawls" erupted in department stores over women vying to purchase the newly invented nylon stocking.

album: The Nylon Curtain • artist: Billy Joel

We Didn't Start the Fire

Had a good fire going in the toaster oven today.
Amazing how many flames two taco shells can generate.
Hit Ken's car, leaving a big dent in the minivan, on my way to dance class.
Am glad not to be keeping a time log today.

song: We Didn't Start the Fire • artist: Billy Joel

Any Old Kind of Day - analyzed

So what did I learn from keeping a time log? Well first, that a time log for just one day isn't very good science. I would need to keep a journal for at least a week given that all my days are different and that one Monday can even be decidedly different from the next Monday.
Secondly, it would appear, from this one day's data, that I don't spend much time interacting with S & N. On paper it looks like they pretty much entertained themselves in the bathroom all afternoon. They did help me with the mice, which is why that activity took twice as long as it might normally take.
Lest you think I don't hang with my kids, on the previous Thursday we took the day and went to the Cape Cod Museum of Natural History.
Also, if you just went by this list you might be led to believe that I'm some sort of neat freak who keeps a spotless house. That would be laughably wrong. The stairs I vacuumed had not been vacuumed since January. C & H's room hadn't been cleaned, thoroughly, by me, in an equally long time. On most days I only do what needs to be done in order to stay afloat (laundry, dishes, and making dinner). Since Thursdays are eat out nights I used the time cleaning that I might have spent making dinner.
So what I really need is more data, but the thought of keeping a time log for, say, two weeks, is exhausting. Ergo, what I need is someone, an intern perhaps, to follow me around and keep the time log for me.
And, what I really need is for the person doing the following to do it without my knowledge. Because the act of keeping the log keep me more organized that usual, at least between 7 AM and 4 PM. I didn't try to multi-task or flit from one activity to another. I stayed on task and for the most part finished one thing before moving on to the next thing. Where I usually rinse a dish or two and put them in the dishwasher on my way to the laundry room to sort laundry and then straighten things in C & H's room when I come upstairs to get coat hangers to dry the laundry. Also when I go upstairs for coat hangers I see stuff that needs to go up in the attic, take it up, and then forget what I was doing upstairs until the next time I pass by the half hung laundry and remember that I need to go upstairs and bring down coat hangers.
For the purpose of writing a semi-coherent time log you have to wash and load the dishwasher all at one time, then move on to the laundry, bring those darn coat hangers down the first time and then tackle projects upstairs; a method that's probably much more effective that my usual routine.
That realization alone might make the experiment worth while.

song: Any Old Kind of Day • artist: Harry Chapin

Any Old Kind of Day

There was an NPR interview with author Laura Vanderkam recently, writers of the NY Times essay "Are You As Busy As You Think?"
As you can guess, according to Ms. Vanderkam, the answer to that question is no. No, you're only exaggerating how busy you are and all you need to do to remedy this situation is to do one more thing: keep a time log.
This way you'll soon notice when you write things like 11:30 to 1 PM, twiddle thumbs. At the end of a week you'll say, "woah, look at that. I definitely have time to write that great American novel and go back to college for a master's degree.

It seemed to easy, so I got busy.
Here's what my typical Thursday looks like.
12 AM - read in bed.
12:12 - lights out
7:00 - Get up. use bathroom. Go back to bed.
7:20 - Get up.
7:20 to 7:45 - Shower and get dressed.
7:45 to 8:30 - Get C & H ready for school, eat breakfast, feed cat, empty litter box.
8:30 to 8:43 - Walk to bus stop.
8:43 to 8:48 - Make breakfast for S & N.
8:48 to 8:54 - Load dishwater
8:54 to 8:56 - Feed cat again, load washing machine.
8:56 to 9:00 - Put away clean laundry upstairs, bring down laundry basket.
9:00 to 9:05 - Clean up from breakfast.
9:06 - Prepare new bowl of cereal for S who wasn't done when I cleaned up his bowl. Play I Spy with twins
9:07 to 9:09 - Microwave yesterday's tea, put things away, more I Spy.
9:09 to 9:19 - Consolidate trash, help N dress, take out recycling (3 trips), catch heel on storm door on the way out (ouch!). Play more I Spy.
9:19 to 9:24 - Check e-mail, retire cleats now too small for C to attic bucket, explain rules of I Spy, repeatedly ask S if he's done with breakfast.
9:24 to 9:30 - Get clothes for S, implore him (repeatedly) to finish breakfast, bring another trash can downstairs to empty.
9:30 to 9:38 - Mix up addresses on St. Patricks's Day post cards, peel stamps off incorrectly addressed card, recreate card, only have enough stamps for one card.
9:38 to 9:40 - Spoon feed S the remainder of his breakfast.
9:40 to 9:43 - Search desk unsuccessfully for more stamps. Return call to Oliver's mom, try (unsuccessfully) to discern why S is crying.
9:43 to 9:56 - Get S dressed.
9:56 to 10:18 - Update Spelling City website with H's new words. Check e-mail. Hide in bathroom and read.
10:18 to 10:50 - Clean mouse cage. During bathroom break accidentally drop antibacterial hand soap into toilet. Figure that since it's antibacterial it will be okay pending a quick rinse with hot water. Wash my hands, using antibacterial soap that's been in the toilet. Make bagels with Nutella.
10:50 to 11:05 - Bagel break spent pacing kitchen, checking e-mail, and putting shoes on Nathan.
11:05 to 11:25 - Wipe down the front of the mouse cage, empty washing machine, hang laundry to dry, start new load. Notice S in tell-tale posture and remind him of existence of potty, suggest he use it. S invites N to keep him company in the bathroom but requests that he "not leave again." N response that he will have to leave, in order to "get toys." Help S onto potty.
11:25 to noon - Finish putting mouse cage back together. Insert mice. Refill bubbahs with chocolate milk. Am convinced the twins drink more when they can carry bubbahs around with them. Am convinced four year olds shouldn't carry bubbahs around with them. Am convinced Playtex bubbahs are old and leaching plastic toxins into milk. Go on line to LLBean and order two more stainless steel water bottles. Get distracted looking at side items like new graphic Ts. Only end up ordering water bottles. Check e-mail. Wipe S's butt. Clean up water on floor in bathroom. Suggest S take tubby. Wipe down tub. Clean up toys. Run water. Undress S.
12:14 - turn off water in tub. Undress N.
12:14 to 1:20 - Vacuum computer room, as per H's request check for St. Patrick's Day Peanuts movies via CLAMS network. Find none. Order two other snoopy movies H has possibly not seen. Fill pasta pot with hot water, repeatedly on command to pour into tubby, take mice bedding to compost, bring in hula hoop from bunk house to make hoop castle for S & N. Check size of fabric from Nana's house. Not big enough for circumference of smallest hoop.
1:20 to 1:34 - Lunch. Finish "Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar" by Roald Dahl, read via C's recommendation. Catch "For the Good Times" by the Little Willies being played on MVY, think to myself that some songs should be left in the past and not remade as covers. Come to the realization that I've thrown Norah Jones over for Adele but don't care.
1:34 to 2:00 - Clean in C & H's room. S & N get out of tub, need towels, undies, and for me to put the water down the drain. General excitement over handyman's arrival. Lunch
2:00 to 2:35 - More cleaning C & H's room. Set up Caillou movie for S & N. Feel guilty. Clean lunch dishes.
2:35 to 3:06 - Finish cleaning in C & H's room. Start to vacuum stairs.
3:20 Finish vacuuming stairs. Put vacuum away. Stairs look great!
3:20 to 3:43 - Update blog. Dress Silas.
3:43 to 3:48 - Call to make vet appointment for the cat.
3:50 - Leave to walk to bus stop.

After C & H got home it was impossible to continue because I was pulled in so many different directions by the four of them together. We had just over an hour together before having to leave to drop C at piano lessons.

song: Any Old Kind of Day • artist: Harry Chapin

Good Noise

Note to a flock of grackles in our front yard: could you guys please use your indoor voices?

song: Good Noise • artist: John Gorka

True Colors

H: "Mommy. Here's where I'm keeping my new invention - Staple Crayons."
M: "Mmmmm. How are Staple Crayons better than ordinary crayons?"
H: "They have staples in them. See?"

song: True Colors • artist: Cyndi Lauper

Mother Nature's Son

It's sweet when your son brings you wilted crocuses from the garden but then he insisted that I do something about reviving them.
Sorry honey, I'm only your mother. I'm not Mother Nature.

song: Mother Nature's Son • artist: The Beatles

These Eyes

When we were in Vermont last month we placed two bets with the Mad River Valley Rotary Club's annual "You Bet Your Life" fundraiser in which participants place bets on when a carefully positioned outhouse, rigged to an alarm, will fall through some local ice.
The internet allowed us to track our bets and C was both excited and crushed to learn that he was less than three hours from guessing the correct date and time of the big spash.
With NaBloMo's theme this month being the word whether - I pondered whether it was easier to take losing a contest of luck by a little or by a lot.

song: These Eyes • artist: The Guess Who

Lipstick On Your Collar

I had a free makeover the other day at Mashpee Commons in preparation for a dance performance. As someone who doesn't wear make up, it was rather traumatic: foundation, blush, concealer, eyebrow pencils, mascara, lions and tigers and bears - oh my.
I don't know what to think of make up. Is it something I never did because of my feminist college days? Did I give up on make up even before that after some failed attempts with eye shadow in junior high? Was it that I was lucky enough to have a high school boyfriend who was supportive of make up-less girlfriend? Was it sheer laziness?
And why, when you tell someone you never wear make up, do they then finish your make over and ask you when was the last time your husband saw you in make up?
Never!
Haven't you been listening?
Then she asked if I had cleanser at home.
No.
Why would I?
Again - what part of "I don't wear make up" are you not understanding here?

song: Lipstick On Your Collar • artist: Connie Francis

Your Smiling Face

What happens if you leave your camera lying around.
First this:

then this:

and this:

of course this:

and finally this:

song: Your Smiling Face • artist: James Taylor

Midnight Rambler

What do you do when you get a message saying you've been featured in a blog and then your parental control feature tells you that the blog's content may not be suitable for all readers?
You are psyched.
Thanks Kevin!

song: Midnight Rambler • artist: The Rolling Stones

Wild Night

And sometimes you get to go out with the grown ups and people still know you as you and not just as somebody's mom. And that's nice too.

song: Wild Night • artist: Van Morrison

Living in an Island

Kind of creepy when you take into account the last book I finished was "The Island of Dr. Moreau."

song: Living in an Island • artist: Boomtown Rats

It's Just a Fantasy

Yes, that was me. I was the mom in Marshalls today who carried her four-year old, mid-tantrum, out of the store with his twin brother gimping along behind.
Then I had to chase him back in after putting him down next to the car to fish keys out of my pocket (stupid automatic doors), and pick him up all over again.
Why was he mad? Because I would not buy him shoes that were too small.
Why was I mad? Because I was plum out of parenting tricks.
I tried reasoning: "those shoes don't fit, we tried them on your feet two times."
I tried choice: "you can put those shoes back and have these shoes," "you can put those shoes back or we can leave."
I tried distraction: "let's go look at the socks instead."
Wait. Damn it. I forgot to try fantasy: "I wish we could shrink your feet back down to a size 9." "I wish we could by 100 pairs of these shoes." "I wish I were in Tahiti."

song: It's Just A Fantasy • artist: Billy Joel

Honey

I have learned all sorts of fascinating things as a result of having kids. Who needs a liberal arts degree? Just have children. Why just recently I learned that owls can turn rotate their heads 270 degrees. Woah!
I know how much salt it takes to float an egg in a glass of water and how to make a lightbulb light using a D battery and a piece of tin foil. I learned that male box turtles have red eyes and females have yellow eyes and my life is richer because I now know about Balto the sled dog and Andre the seal.
But there is some misinformation out there folks.
Contrary to what you might have learned from the Bee Movie, male honey bees (drones) do not have voices like Jerry Seinfeld, and are heavier, hairier, and have bigger eyes than worker bees (females). Their only purpose around the hive is for reproduction and they have no stinger.
Sorry. Just wanted to set the record straight.
No soup for you.

song: Honey • artist: Bobby Goldsboro

A Change is Gonna Come

What if they remade the Incredible Hulk (again!) only this time instead of mild-mannered David Banner, the Hulk's alter ego would be some Mrs. Brady-type of stay-at-home mom.
When she's asked the kids for the third time to pick up the living room, or for the love of Pete to empty the plastic containers out of their lunch boxes or throw their dirty clothes into the hallway; that's when she would launch into the familiar refrain: "you won't like me when I'm angry!"
Forget counting to ten or excusing yourself to the bathroom. This would be much more effective.

song: A Change is Gonna Come • artist: Neville Brothers

Takin' Care of Business

Advice to a four year old looking for a spot in the yard where he can relieve himself: don't pee where you play.

song: Takin' Care of Business • artist: ZZ Top

A Matter of Time

When we're riding in the car, why is it that my children who have no concept of time, always ask me how long it will be until we get home?
Were they born knowing the phrase, "are we there yet?"

song: A Matter of Time • artist: Los Lobos

Invisible Touch

One of NaBloMo's prompts this week was would you rather have the ability to fly or to be invisible.
This American Life did a segment on this same subject. Some guy used it as an ice breaker at parties. What he found wasn't unanimous desire for one ability over the other but that people overwhelmingly said they would use their powers for trivial things, spying on co-workers, avoiding rush-hour traffic; no one was moved to use their powers for any greater good such as apprehending criminals or getting kittens down from trees.
For kids I would think invisibility would be the greater draw.
You could ease drop sure but you could also trip bullies on the bus, sneak into the movie theater to see R rated films, hide out in the library or the museum of natural history until after it closed and then spend the night among the exhibits or with the penguins.
Elementary school kids could find out what their teacher does after you've left school or check out the teacher's lounge.
You could crawl under desks and tie your friend's shoelaces to each other. No one would have to see you change into your gym clothes. You could sneak in beside the lunch ladies and help yourself to an extra slice of pizza on Fridays.
At home you could disappear just before dinner tasks get assigned and reappear after the table's been set.
You'd be able to check out your brother's cool model helicopter, the one he told you never to touch though if you broke it, somehow your parent's would still know it was you.
You could be pen pals with Harry Potter, Bilbo, and Frodo and other mythical folks who've had brushes with invisibility.
For kids, the possibilities are limitless.
As a middle-aged mostly stay at home mom, I already suffer from being invisible, and flying wouldn't do me much good unless I could take my four kids, and the beach towels, and the snacks, and the bikes along too. Guess it would be better if I could make the mini van fly instead of me, sort of a modernized Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

song: Invisible Touch • artist: Genesis

Wasted on the Way

The NaBloPoMo theme for March is the word whether.
Whether you'd rather this, whether you'd rather that.
Whether seems like a wishy washy word, a word for people unable to make up their minds overwhelmed perhaps by choice: cash or credit? paper or plastic? low cal, fat free, 0 trans fats?
But for me, the word "whether" immediately brings to mind "The Phantom Tollbooth," that rarest of children's books that's clever, engaging, and a great read for adults as well as kids.
Surely everyone will remember that the first person Milo meets in The Lands Beyond is the Whether Man. Though he's every bit as confused as you might first assume, he makes an observation to Milo that's always stayed with me: "Whether or not you find your own way, you're bound to find some way."
That's it isn't it? Perhaps it sounds so familiar because it's so much like other famous quotes along similar veins, "wherever you go, there you are,"
"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans,"
"if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
Okay, that last one might not be so familiar unless you're a Rush fan but even so, it sounds familiar doesn't it?
Interesting that this word, which seems to vacillate in every direction, is also so final.
You know what this is don't you? It's an invitation to live in the present. Because 2012 is the year of living in the present, at least for me. I may not be able to be present at every given moment but I've at least gotten better a telling the different between auto pilot and mindfulness. So I guess for me, this month's prompt reminds me that whether I'm an active participant or a passive spectator, the game is going on, right now. I suppose it's up to me to find my own way.
Though I sure could use a Watch Dog like Tock to keep me from wasting time.

song: Wasted on the Way • artist: Crosby Stills Nash

Riders on the Storm

I put everyone's snow boots back up in the attic.
You know what that means.
Blizzard tomorrow.

song: Riders on the Storm • artist: the Doors

You Never Can Tell

One of them wore a dark-brown, baggie, hoodie such that I couldn't see his face. The other wore fatigues. They walked a pit bull across the street from where I sat in my car waiting for an NPR broadcast of the Moth Story Hour to end before heading into the pharmacy. I watched them with suspicion. On the sidewalk, between the church and the nursing home, the dog stopped to do his business. The boy in fatigues pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket and promptly cleaned it up.
They kept on walking.
The radio program ended and I exited my car - chagrined.

song: You Never Can Tell • artist: Chuck Berry

All Apologies

Rush Limbaugh wouldn't know an apology if it came up to him, slapped him across the face and called him a sexist pig.
When is this guy going to learn to STFU?

song: All Apologies • artist: Nirvana

Someone Like You

The theme in Sunday school was "everyone is different."
Kids in the preschool class included S & N, Cody, and second set of twin boys.

song: Someone Like You • artist: Adele

Clocks

The twins are always coughing w/o covering their mouths.
They are experts in germ warfare.


song: Clocks artist: Coldplay

Lime Tree

I do not like it Sam I Am.


song: Lime Tree • Cassadaga

Walnut Tree

She stared at the grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why? why are they ruining my favorite picture book of all time, why?"

song: Walnut Tree • artist: Keane

Lemon Tree

I see the new Lorax movie has spawned some product tie ins.
In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: "I laughed at the Lorax, "you poor stupid guy. You never can tell what some people will buy."
Someone's missing the point here. We're supposed to be on the side of the Lorax.
Right?

song: Lemon Tree • artist: Peter, Paul & Mary

People Get Ready

There are three pair of skates, an archery set, skis, and a soccer ball in the back of the van.
We are ready for anything.

song: People Get Ready • artist: Curtis Mayfield

1999

Tried to pull a Little Prince on the twins the other night.
The boys are in the habit of asking me to draw stuff. Cats, dogs, bears, Santa Claus - that kind of stuff.
The other night, as I was putting them to bed, I was handed a pad of paper and summoned: "draw me a giraffe." The request reminded me of the Little Prince, except that he wanted a sheep.
Instead of a giraffe, I drew a box with air holes in it.
I said, "the giraffe that you want is in the box."
It worked! Both of the boys grinned at the drawing of a box and looked pleased.
Then S handed it back to me and said, "now draw a giraffe not in a box."

song: 1999 • artist: Prince

Shout

Tonight I did not yell at the twin who dropped his entire dinner plate on the floor, but this morning I did lay into the one who pulled my draw of threads all the way out of the desk, spilling them all over the bedroom floor.
Guess I am one for two.
In both cases the other twin came to his brother's rescue and helped with the clean up.

song: Shout • artist: Tears for Fears

cumulus couplet

Clouds in the sky
watch them waft by

End of the Line

What I learned from my kids today:
That it's possible to spray paint a dirt road.

song: End of the Line • artist: Travelling Wilburys

Peace Train

The cat killed my peace lily.
Insert ironic comment here: ____________

song: Peace Train • artist: Cat Stevens

Big Shot

S & N had appointments to get the shots they missed last month when they had ear infections at their well-child visit to the pediatrician.
"I not sick," protested S when I told him.
"Right," I tried to explain, "these are the shots you didn't get the day you went to the doctor's when you were well because you were, as it turned out, too sick to get them."
I didn't make any sense to me either.
No wonder they cried.

song: Big Shot • artist: Billy Joel

The Sweetest Thing

It's making me nauseous just smelling all the candy my kids brought home from school today.
I know I've griped about the excess of Halloween candy and how I'm forced to initiate a buy back program in order to dissuade my kids from gorging themselves; but at least Halloween candy is good candy, not so with Valentine candy: Skittles, Starbursts, and that gross Wonka dip stuff - yeeesh.
Parents should just cut to the quick and instead of buying bad candy give each kid a quarter of a cup of sugar pourred into a zip lock baggie. Maybe throw in some red food coloring to make it more festive.
Or pressure the supermarkets to start stocking marshmallow peeps a few days earlier.
I'd buy back marshmallow peeps.

 song: The Sweetest Thing • artist: U2

Anagram (For Mongo)

Just finished making and addressing 72 valentines for preschool.
And discovered that "love, Silas" is an anagram for Elvis Laos.
Cool.

song: Anagram (for Mongo) • artist: Rush 

Come Dancing

 Support the Sultan's Ball
We can't put on a show using just our coin belts now can we?

song: Come Dancing • artist: the Kinks

I'm Too Sexy

Doesn't the woman in the middle know she's in an ad with a teddy bear?

song:  I'm Too Sexy  • artist: Right Said Fred

Seven Year Ache

As I'm sure you recall, I dubbed 2012 the year of living in the present.
The thing about living in the present is, the more you worry about living in the present, the less you are able to do it.
There is of course no easier way to live in the present than to take yourself out of your comfort zone.
Today, in my case, that meant skiing in Vermont with my big boys. Not only was I totally in the present while on the mountain, now I'm totally in the present with my achy fingers, neck, arms, collar bone, legs and toes.

 song: Seven Year Ache   • artist: Rosanne Cash

Light My Fire

The Dork Family on the way home from the library:

H: "Mom! Can I turn on my light?"
M: "Sure."
C: "Mom! I need to turn on MY light!"
M: "Your brother asked first."
C: "SO. The type in my book is smaller. It's harder to read."
M: "Don't you have a book light back there?"
C: "Nooooo! The book light casts a big shadow across the page."
M: "Well. I can't have both the back seat lights on at once."
C: general moaning and groaning
M: "You know when I was a kid cars only had one interior light, right in the middle of the roof. And we never turned it on. If you wanted to read while you riding in the car at night you just had to wait until the car passed under a street light to have some light roll across your page and you got to maybe read one sentence before the light faded to black and you had to wait some more. And you had to keep your finger on the page so you could find your spot again quickly otherwise you'd end up reading the same line over and over again. And we never complained."

song: Light My Fire • artist: The Doors

Wake Me Up Before you Go Go

Why do they call them training pants?
What are they training for? The bedwetting olympics?
They should call them enabler pants.

song: Wake Me Up Before you Go Go • Artist: Wham!

Mother

The Tao of My Twins: Lesson #12

You know you're a mom when your son has a runny nose and instead of going to the bathroom for a tissue he reaches into your pocket.
And pulls one out.

song: Mother • artist: John Lennon

Throw the Football

First let me say that although I'm not much of a sport's fan, if the home team happens to make it to the final competition - of course I want to see them win.
That said, I wasn't a fan of the elementary school proclaiming it Patriot's Day twice, once before the AFC playoff and again this past Friday.
When I was a kid football was something to be endured while you waited for the clock to run out so your dad would stop watching so you could finally leave to get to where you were going. It wasn't, as far as I can remember, something we embraced in school.
It's ironic that we wring our hands over our children emulating major league sports stars as their heros and yet we encourage fandom at school.
But forget that for a moment and about how it might make some kids feel like losers, my own included, because they don't have any team-specific t-shirts, sweatshirts or hats to don on Patriot's Day and let's present the opportunity that's lost - that there could be a real learning component to super bowl build up. Instead of having it be about clothing and eye grease, it could be about history (Why do they call it football here in the United States when they call soccer football in England?), it could be about math (The length of a football field is 360 feet, the width is 160. Find the area.), it could be about science (Why is a football shaped that way?), it could be about ancient history (XLVI = 46), it could be about sociology (How come all the women in the ads are wearing bikinis while the men are fully clothed?). Okay forget that one. But the point is, they're already excited about the game, why not use that excitement to fuel some learning?

song: Throw the Football • musical: Wonderful Town

Like A Prayer

OMG, Madonna is the half time show for tomorrow's game?
It's like it's 1986 all over again.
And surely you remember how well that super bowl went for the Patriots.

song: Like A Prayer • artist: Madonna

Make You Feel My Love

I see how it is. I can have 30 house plants, or one kitten.
So in addition to spraying the cat with water when she's caught on top of the mouse cage, I draped a towel over the top of the cage so the mice would be less visible and therefore less inticing.
And what's the thanks I get?
The mice chewed up the edge of the towel.

song: Make You Feel My Love • artist: Bob Dylan

Don't Stop

"Mom! He's putting those peels in the trash!"
I look and it's true. C was peeling a tangerine and his four-year-old brother was dutifully taking the peels and putting them in the trash bucket.
My older son was not, as you may think, praising his younger brother for his helpfulness, he was in fact pointing out his faux pas. Tangerine peels belong in the compost bucket, not in the trash.
I asses the situation. Yes. It's true. But for my preschooler, the compost bucket is up on the counter and out of reach, while the trash can is close at hand. Given the choice between having a helpful, if somewhat misguided, four year old or having to deal with the mess myself, I choose to let the transgression pass.
How often are other parents faced with similar dilemmas?
As parents we want to save the world for our children, but sometimes they don't make it easy.
There's the obvious problem of children: all the stuff they come with and accumulate, from diapers and wipes to the collection of plastic crap handed out at birthday parties, all the way up to the e-trash they will presumably leave in their wake as teens when they begin moving fluidly from one techno gadget to another.
Those environmental infractions aside, what I'm thinking about are the lapses I condone and even sometimes instigate myself, like driving over-tired toddlers around and around the block in hopes that they will fall asleep before the car runs out of gas.
Or, as someone who goes so far as to stick a bucket in the sink when washing vegetables and saving the water for the house plants, how do I justify letting my twins play in the bathroom sink, filling and emptying it over and over on a cold, January day?
Then there's the illusion that leads you to believe your kids will embrace a tiny LED night light in their bedroom but they want the big guns - the closet light - on all night. At least you've installed CFLs.
In these situations it's plain that the possibility of some quiet mommy time is more valuable than wasting a little non-renewable petroleum or even gallon after gallon of perfectly good drinking water.
What's more, I could lure the twins out of the bathroom and away from the running water by offering up a DVD. Given the option though I'd prefer to have them actively, rather than passively, engaged, even if what they're actively engaged in is wasting water. What this confession reveals is that I'm guilty of caring more about the cognitive development of my kids than about saving precious natural resources.
Yes, in the case of the faucet example I could just stick them in the bath tub which would, in the long run, waste less water but often there's a time constraint as in not enough time for a tubby before heading out to the bus stop to meet older siblings. At least most days we walk to the bus stop.
Is Mommy's sanity worth more than the health of the environment? There's the old saying that if Mommy's not happy, nobody's happy, and I suppose if I'm not catching a break here and there I'll be too mentally exhausted to dry our laundry on the clothes line or tend my plot at the community garden.
How about you? What environmental infractions do you allow your kids to partake of in the name of sanity or getting dinner (vegetarian I'm sure) cooked.

song: Don't Stop • artist: Fleetwood Mac